Sound and Fury, Signifying... Uh well, Nothing.

So basically, I'm pissed. It's not a polite word, or a tidy way to sum up irrational anger, but it fits the moment and to be honest, it's true. I'm really, really angry and it's all over cupholders. (Uh, wait, what?) So not to repeat myself, but I am bi-polar. And due to my mail order pharmacy constantly mailing refills late, I have been off of my anti-depressant for a week.

Hey so. It's been 11 years since I posted here. I am now autistic, still bi-polar and now willingly live with my sister lol. What the hell?

New Year, Same Story

I have decided to make FftPoMM my personal blog and Glitter and Gloom my main blog.

It's 2012. S still lives here, chaos still reigns, and rains. I found out where my camera went. D&O stole it and took 25 photos with it before baptizing it in sticky drool. Christmas was ok, it wasn't a wash per se, but we sure as hell could have tried harder.

January has started on several typical notes, not the least of which was the class I wanted not being on the schedule and S begging me to be her baby sitter for the semester.

At least I am taking some SCORE classes to learn how to really focus my energies as far as having a business goes. That's actually a really encouraging part of this year so far.

My birthday is in 3 days and if I am not treated like a princess I will quit as myself and make someone else be me.

Hmm, that's all for now. At least a short update is better than no update.

Impact Resistant My Rear

So, on the 22nd of last year I was going to go spend the day with my friend and his family, decorating the tree, eating pizza and watching Christmas episodes of Sci-fi shows. It's a tradition for them and I have gladly accepted the invitation to help for almost as long as I have known him. I intended to visit my grandmother's house and make cookies and popcorn balls and then head other to E's house. Well, something came up and I unexpectedly ended up staying the night at grandma's, complete with my friend L and no pajamas, toothbrush or medicine.

I woke up at 2am tossing cookies like an elf on a Mardi Gras float. I was so sick I didn't stop vomiting until MUCH later that day and had to be rescued by my parents as I was too ill too drive.

Christmas Eve was a wash and since my niece and nephew were on their mandated custodial visit to their father, the house was pretty dead. On Christmas we all woke up late and ate re-heated stollen, which normally is one of my favorite holiday foods, but some tool baked it like three times so it was basically stollen croutons.

When it became clear nobody gave a rat's ass about Christmas dinner I crawled into the car and got dim sum. (No, I am not kidding) Then we all watched the Doctor Who Christmas special.

This year was supposed to be different for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was that the children would be here. We didn't even get the tree (I don't even know who bought it) into the house until the 21st, after it had hung out on the front porch collecting leaves for a week. There were no candles, wreathes, swags, tablecloths or even our holiday mugs out to greet us. Plus, the house looks like shit. Sorry if I offended your delicate sensibilities, but if you're reading my blog, you probably don't have any.

Anyhow, so I am not in the Christmas spirit when I go to my friend E's house to decorate his tree. Luckily, everyone else WAS, so I had a great time. When I got home I had a throat tickle I attributed to allergies so I took some benadryl and went to bed.

Six A.M. and I are mortal enemies, so being awoken, even because something great is going to happen, is really like being told you are going to die, but will win the lottery shortly before hand. My sister woke me up to remind me we were leaving to go to Monterey and all I could think of was unprintable. No, not really, I was so tired I just kept clinging to my pillow and moaning. Not a good omen, the moaning was because of pain. Finally due to sad puppy faces from my niece I crawled out of bed and showered, picking the most inexplicable outfit I have ever worn. I hope no one took pictures, because I looked idiotic.

We left No-Town around 8:30 am and I slept in the car

Sometimes the World is too Beautiful to Bear

The mentally ill mind is a weird place to hang out.

Birthday Countdown. -2 Days

Normally I am super excited about my birthday, but with Christmas being so laid back and mostly present free, I am not sure about my birthday this year. It just seems like the last few years have been very hard on all of us financially and the gift giving and receiving occasions I normally look forward to, I have been dreading.

I know it might seem selfish, but dammit, I want presents for my birthday!

Ok, immaturity over for now. I know there are others in the world with nothing and I am truly thankful for a roof over my head, a family that loves me and the opportunity to be back on insurance.

I guess when I look at all of the things in my life that are going right, it sort of makes all of the things that are "wrong" seem so small and meaningless.

What am I supposed to say?

This year has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, happenings, drama and family flim flam.

First off, I don't know if I should "theme" my blog and make it all about one thing, like so many people tend to, or just go wild and make my blog just any damn thought or issue that flits through my brain?

Yen, help me out here.

Also, I am tried of not putting myself first. On the one hand, that may sound selfish, on the other hand, it can't be, since I don't and haven't gone anywhere the last few years where I basically wallowed in the idea that I come last.

My disability claim was denied and it took a year to go through all the hoops and still get denied so there you go, it wasn't to be. Now on with life.

1. School: Do I go for my BA? If so in what? And where?

2. Art: What do I love the most? How do I promote and create? How do I make what I live for into a living?

3. Subsidy work: Well, I already know that doing menial jobs around the public are not viable. So what is? Where can I work where I can maintain my pride, sanity and a paycheck that's big enough to help be re-gain independence?

I ran out of ideas so I will update this later. Tomorrow I meet my new psychiatrist and hopefully I can discuss some of these issues.


What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

Langston Hughes

Doctor Who

So, being the huge nerd I am, I recently got into Doctor Who, a sci-fi television show from Great Britain.

I don't have anything to say other than, Alex Kingston is bloody brilliant as River Song and that I cannot wait until next year when we get to know more about her.

I just hope lead writer Steven Moffat isn't influenced by bitter Doctor Who fangirls who hate River and try to do something terrible to or make something terrible out of her.

Doctor Who has quickly become the only television show my entire family will sit down and watch together. Not since "The Pretender" have we all agreed on an action/sci-fi show like this.

Frankly, accidentally tuning in to the BBC America premier of Doctor Who Series five was the best thing I've done entertainment wise in a very long time.

Even though the new series can't start soon enough for my tastes, I am thrilled to pieces to hear that we'll get to watch the Christmas episode ON CHRISTMAS. As Nine would say... "Fantastic!"

Wordles Wednesday

I promise, my uterus won't kill you.

WARNING: This is long.


In the last couple of blogs I have written about the pain I have been having in my right side and the Dr's visits I had to try and determine what could be causing it.



The CT I had of my GI tract showed nothing, the ultrasound of my uterus, right ovary, kidney and gall bladder showed nothing other than healthy tissue and the option to do an exploratory surgery to find out if I had endometriosis seemed like somewhat of a bleak ordeal if I went through it and there was nothing wrong.

Even though it seems like I am jumping the gun, since I am single, I had already decided several years ago not to have children, mainly due to the fact I would have to discontinue all of my effective bi-polar medications. The idea of being pregnant and batcrap insane just doesn't appeal to me on ANY level.

My doctor and I discussed several options for controlling my periods and hopefully reigning in my head splitting migraines. I was actually surprised to discover that due to having migraines with prodromes and auras, I am at risk for strokes. (Yay?) Risk for stroke associated with migraines means... no birth control... ever. So any birth control product I may have been prescribed to manage the hormones that trigger migraines aren't an option because of my migraines. Isn't irony a pain?

Because of my inability to take birth control my doctor discussed several other options, all of them surgical. The word hysterectomy did come up and he said that as long as I was resolute he would be willing to perform one, even though I am relatively young. The reason I didn't say yes to that yet is that I am living with my parents who also have my younger sister and her two children staying with us indefinitely. The idea of a MAJOR surgery like that with little or no recovery time gave me hives. No, not really, but I'm sure you can see where that became a non option.

The most likely option was an endometrial ablation. The procedure essentially destroys and subsequently removes the lining of a woman's uterus and in most cases eliminate or severely lessen period bleeding. But, and this is a big, fat, hairy but... IT ALSO PUTS AN END TO FERTILITY. Not that my ovaries will stop partying hard once a month, but with no uterine lining, ostensibly, when and if I chose to get married and be in a sexual relationship, having a baby is now a non option.

Needless to say I didn't just waltz into this decision halfheartedly. It took me several visits before I decided that I would have the operation. However, when I did make up my mind I had them schedule the surgery before I left the office at my last appointment. The booked me for Sept 22 and I had a few weeks to wonder what the hell I was in for.

Now onto the surgery. I am beginning to hate the word "outpatient." I think I was under the assumption that outpatient means like, in and out, no biggie. I was wrong. In this case they had me come in the day before to have blood work done and I am very excited to tell you all my blood type is A+! Anyhow, on the day of the surgery mom drove me and I got registered and headed upstairs when the doctor performing the surgery pulled me aside into a consultation room. He said he had been mulling it over the night before and realised because I am a virgin and haven't had any children, there was a 25% chance he wouldn't be able to get the scope past my cervix. Then he said we could reschedule the operation till the next day and he'd prescribe me something to soften my cervix up. I was not thrilled. You could even say I was UN-thrilled. I was also very thirsty since I'd been fasting for 14 hours. But a 25% chance was too big for me to take so I said ok and got the prescription filled.

NEXT DAY: Fasting again and this time the surgery was the last of the day so I was awake and trying not to be nervous/grumpy while I got ready. I left this part out of the day before but both days I took a shower with one of those surgical scrub sponges that's loaded with antiseptic. Only my hair smelled nice, the rest of my smelled like surgical soap. Mom drove again but this time we had my niece Olivia with us since she was out of Kindergarten and her mom didn't get off of work until after my surgery started. Olivia was an angel and annoyingly EVERYONE thought she was mine. Every time someone asked and I had to say "No, she's my niece." the other person would say "Oh, well, you'll have beautiful babies just like her!" Which I am only admitting now, kind of stung since I was in to have that womanly capability destroyed.

So finally I got checked in, had my IV placed, was changed into my hospital gown (I looked like I was wearing a cotton yert) and little footie socks and got to stop off in outpatient, surgery prep and finally surgery. Mom got to stay with me until they took me into surgery. Once there I remember them asking me to scoot over to the operating table, which I did, then they put on the oxygen mask, put my arms out on the arm boards (You look very much like you are on a bit of a cross) and then the anesthesiologist said "You're going to feel a stinging burn." Which I did and then OUT.

I woke up squeaking, the oxygen mask was still on my face and I was very sleepy. the clock said 7:15pm. They wouldn't let me have water yet and I was bummed but too weak to argue. They asked if I was in pain and I nodded so I think they gave me something because the pain stopped very suddenly. Around 8pm they took the mask off and wheeled me to recovery or discharge, I am not sure what order they do this all in nowadays. Anyhow, I finally got some soda that I swear to all of you, tasted like fizzy gummy bears. It was amazing. The nurse gave me a percocet and I got to see my mom. I was very happy to see mom and she chatted with me while the fog cleared.

The thing I remember the most is how much my throat hurt and how shaky I felt. The pain in my throat was from being intubated and I still have a bruise under my chin. It was really purple the first 3 days after wards and the pain right where they scoped me stuck around for 4 days. I noticed it when I yawned or swallowed. When they discharged me officially they took me down to the car in this nifty new wheel chair they use for everyone. To be honest it looks like the design is more like the older Victorian ones but I digress. Daddy had brought around the car and handed me a stuffed tiger my sister had gotten me at the zoo. It was nice to hug something fuzzy in the car. We finally got home and I crawled into bed and slept for a day and a half. I am still recovering but I feel a lot better than I did for the few days right after.





Here is the TL;DR summary in case I lost any of you in that novel.



I had a surgery, I am ok now, I love you all! <3

Kso. Here's the bad news

I have SO much to write here. See that huge gap from the middle of July to now? Today is September 23, 2010 and I was supposed to have had a surgery yesterday. Instead I am going to have it tomorrow.

The gap in my writing, as you can plainly tell, (ok, maybe not) is due to my sister, soon to be divorced, and her two adorable children moving in. My sister is the love of my life, don't get me wrong. The 6 years she lived down in the OC were pretty miserable for me, but having her back in the house, and having the total of people here jump from 3 to 6 has brought a whole new set of unique and sometimes seemingly insurmountable problems.

If it hadn't been for my friend Jenny telling me about drinking milk from a wine glass (the story makes sense in context) I probably would have gone insane trying to keep up with the mess that 6 people create. My sister also decided to take 3 college courses this semester as well as work 8 hour days. Needless to say, my room, also used as my bead room and craft area, has now been turned into a babysitting emporium. I am having to get used to little hands on everything whether it's a collectible china cup or a teddy bear from my childhood. I have also learned how to sing along to The Backyardigans and Sponge Bob Square Pants. (Did you know he lives in a pineapple?)

Anyhow, on top of all of this, I have still been having the phantom pain in my right side and barring a laparoscopy, (which I am not sure about) everything in my reproductive system looks great. Or so I am told. Because of the chaos in the house, and the fact my family practitioner is unsure I should be making this choice at such a young age, (young?) I am not going to have a radical hysterectomy. I am instead going to have an endometrial ablation. Which, as far as I am concerned is fine and I hope it helps the pain.

In the end, if the pain continues, I am going to go see a gastrointerologist next. As much as I hate paying Dr roulette, pain exists in our bodies for a reason and I don't want to ignore something that could be getting worse. I honestly hope the pain leaves with this procedure however.

Well, that's hardly scratching the surface of how I am doing or how things are at my house, but I don't really know what else to say in this particular entry. My surgery is tomorrow afternoon at 5pm and I hope the pain and uh, other things are kept to a bare minimum. in the meantime, has any one seen the wine glasses? I need some milk!

Wordless Wednesday

As Seen on http://thamanbroiderer.blogspot.com/

This is Not Cool

Day 2 and I am already tying knots in my rope in order to hold on. The problem with knot tying is... IT SHORTENS THE ROPE!!

I love my sister and her kids but I am really such a hermit, more like my cat then I will admit, so making sure my room is a bastion of sanity and peace is the kindest thing my parents could have done during this time.

I will blog more when sitting in front of my computer screen doesn't exhaust me but to sum up, my little sister is getting divorced and moving back to her home town. She has two pre-k kids, one will enter kindergarten in the fall. All three of them moved in with my parents and myself. I am bi-polar and have a hard time with change. There you have it.

Late Wordless Wednesday

Beads bead everywhere and not a box to spare

There is nothing I dislike more as far as necessary chores go, than sorting beads. Imagine having to sort grains of rice, or small noodles. Then imagine that some of these grains of rice cost anywhere from .45¢-$4.50 a piece.

The thing about being creative/crafty is that you have to work with the space you have and in my case, the space I have also serves as my bedroom and office. So in the space of a back bedroom I have a floor to ceiling bookcase, bed, night stand, bead desk, filing cabinet, TV stand (converted from an old nightstand) computer desk, small roller bin, door and dresser. This is clockwise from the bookcase. Because this was my sister's room before she got married, there are NO DOORS on my closet, because the beautiful wood shutter style doors got broken when she tripped. (Or that was the story)

The other things about all of this being in one space is that our house is out in the country. Yes, we live in a neighborhood, but less than 2 minutes in any directions and you will see orchards, farms and stables. This is great because Fresno is a vital agriculture community. It also sucks because there is a fine, whitish grey dust that settles on EVREYTHING.

Now, I enjoy dusting believe it or not, but the difficulty here is that my room is also a heat sink/cold vortex. In the summer, regardless of running the AC on days over 90, my room will remain 10-15 degrees warmer than the rest of the house. Vice a versa, in the winter my room can be up to 20 degrees colder. What does this have to do with dust? Well, in the summer I keep my fan on high. This leads to the excruciatingly precise and constant distribution of dust everywhere. By the same token, I have a heater in my fan I run during the winter. Same idea. Even coating of dust on everything in the room. From the fan blades, shelves, lamps and desks to the tops of all of my clothing (no doors) and even on vertical surfaces like walls.

Back to beading... If I accidentally leave a lid popped open, or have a project laid out that I can't get back to for some reason, the dust settles into every nook and cranny of my bead desk. As I blog this, my desk is pied high with things I pulled off of the floor, my dresser, desk, living room table and out of one of the bins I needed to sort.

Ultra sonic fun times

If I didn't have the ability to be sarcastic, I'd probably go insane.

On Wednesday I had the first meeting with my GYN, as previously blogged about and got scheduled for fasting labs and the ultrasound. Last night I had dinner at 8 and desert around 9:30pm so I figured I'd be good for getting the labs drawn before my ultrasound.

As it turned out, mom was going with me and had to run and errand so we got to the ultrasound appointment on time, but had to postpone the labs until after wards. I got right in and at first only had to peel my pants down to my hips. After gelling me up the tech probably spent about 10 minutes peeking at what she could. Ended up taking a peek at my right kidney and my gallbladder. Said both looked healthy and normal, neither had stones. This was good news to me, since several people suggested the pain could be gall bladder related and as much as I want an answer to the pain, each thing we eliminate is *good* news, not bad.

Anyhow, she couldn't really get a good peek at my uterus so GUESS WHAT? Yeah, that. I had to drop trou and drape. Then I got to experience the gel again and it was a lot LESS cold on my tummy than it was down there. I mean, the cold metal speculum was a curling iron compared to the ultrasound gel.

It took about 30 minutes and I got to see what basically looked like... uh... static on the tv? Mom and the tech obviously knew what they were looking at and the tech didn't seem to see anything to be concerned about. I had a feeling it would turn out this way, but I was a little surprised that my right ovary wasn't like, sharpening it's fangs with a nail file or something.

Anyhow, after that I went next door and got my labs done. I don't know about any of you reading this, but I hate "clean catch" urine samples more than anything. "Wipe, void, catch, void." That's how it SHOULD go, but I have a nervous bladder that even if I am ready to explode, has a hard time peeing on "cue" i.e. start stop start stop start finish. Needless to say, I always make sure my pants are folded and placed near the sink. Just in case.

On to the blood draw. I always ask for them to take from the veins in my hand and normally I don't get more than a small mark but for some reason I have this dime sized bruise from where the needle went in. They took 3 vials and from what I saw on the orders they were drawing for lipids, platelet count, follicle stimulating hormone, thyroid stimulating hormone and a few other things I was too distracted to memorize.

We finally got out of the lab around 2:15 and mom decided to go to the Clovis library. Even though I was hungry, I would never ever turn down a chance to go into a library. I waked out with 13 books and 6 CDs. Then we went to the bead store and spent a few hours there, finally ending the day by stopping at a great Chinese restaurant.

I get to call next week, probably around Wed or Thur and ask if they got all of the tests and results and where we go from there. So I am going to try not to worry or over analyze anything until I hear from the Dr.

Well, that was fun.

I am way too tired to make this blog reasonable, so I am editing my IM session with my BFF and pretending it's a real blog entry.

So I've had this constant pain in my right side for 6-8 months. I'm only not sure of the time because I spent so long trying to ignore it. But after some heinous periods and the pain getting worse I decided to do something about it. CT scans of my GI tract were clear so I moved on to gynecological issues. I'm a virgin, so I have only has one pap smear before this, and that was only a fee months back.

As much as I wanted today to magically produce an answer to the pain, I knew was was 99% unlikely. But I hoped I guess that my evil right ovary would get caught in the act assaulting my body and we could just move on from there.

Anyhow, I went to the office, filled out paperwork, saw two nurses, one who took my blood pressure and one who went over my medical history. We managed to remember to tell them NO LATEX (there's a funny/painful/itchy story behind that) He came in and was very smart and capable but also spoke very rapidly. Also, he was my mom's GYN so I felt a little awkward.

After the "pleasantries" were out of the way, I got uh, a digital exam, while he poked my abdomen. Then he used a thin, LONG speculum and peeked up inside. (it was cold)
and apparently I have a long vagina. (No, I am not kidding, he actually said this)

So, then, after that, which quite frankly I thought was bad enough, I get a two digit exam. 1 in both ends. That was distinctly uncomfortable and actually hurt a bit. In fact, PORNO LIES cause all I had was two fingers and I thought it was too tight. That's probably tmi, but to be honest, that was my least favorite part of all of this.


Anyhow, after that was done we discussed many possibilities, not the least of which were the possibilities of endometreosis or ovarian cysts. He ordered an ultrasound, which I get on Friday and fasting labs. Even though I said the pain is in two spots I think he got stuck on the higher one, cause he kept saying "That's a little high for an ovary." Honestly, I was very tired and overwhelmed so I didn't bother re-pointing out what I said, because I figure the ultrasound should show more than I can.

He also ordered the CT scans I got from my other Dr just in case they show anything pelvic, even though they were for the GI tract. Hey, the more the merrier I guess. He also said he only orders ultrasounds or MRI's instead of CT and that made me feel better because I recently discovered I am at my lifetime dose of radiation for my age due to 2 CTs of my head, 1 of my knee/ankle and 1 of my abdomen. This doesn't even include X-rays I have had for my spine, teeth, or chest x-rays. I have already decided that in the future, unless there is no other diagnostic test available, I will be opting out of CT's. But that is neither here nor there.

We discussed a hysterectomy. I know that is a big word for a 31 year old virgin with no kids to throw around, but it's unlikely I can or should conceive on my own. The biggest hurdle ironically NOT being my reproductive organs, but the fact I am Bi-Polar II. BP2 is the depressed side of BPD and I would HAVE to drop my two most effective medications while I was pregnant. That alone would make the pregnancy high risk, but also, due to family history, I'd be at risk for post-partum psychosis. It's like a lost the genetic lottery and I didn't even know I had entered. *sigh*

Anyhow, he's hoping we discover what's causing the pain before we make any drastic choices, although he seemed supportive of my choice to get a hysterectomy due to family history of cysts and only recently, uterine cancer. If the ultrasound doesn't turn up anything, then it's up to the laparoscopy. Then, if that finds endo or cysts, which could be causing the unending pain, then I am up for a hysterectomy. This is like a cross between good/terrifying news. On the one hand, I'd give anything to know/eliminate the pain. On the other hand, having to yank out my girl bits seems very very stark and drastic, even if could end my migraines and mood swings.

And in other news, the man I dated on and off for the last 2 years is now engaged. Honestly? I am thrilled because I know he's madly in love and that makes me happy, but I wish I could have found out tomorrow or a week from now. Today just wasn't the day you know?

When Ovaries Attack

Laughing at God

I have a friend who, over the last several years, has only wanted one thing. It's not my right to say what it is, so I won't, but I know if she got this thing, she'd be amazing at it.

Anyhow, through the last few years with her I have learned a lot of things about medicine, nutrition, and life in general. Some of it may or may not actually apply to me now.

Yeah, that was vague, but intentionally so. I am frustrated beyond my ability to express it. Last November a close relative died and my family was responsible for cleaning out his apartment and storage shed and making funeral arrangements. It was very difficult for all of us. Then, shortly after Christmas, my grandmother was diagnosed with uterine cancer. Her gyn said it was easily removed via surgery and my grandma wouldn't even need chemo if it was contained as she thought it was. Luckily, it was. On my 31st birthday I went with her and my mother to her pre--surgery appointment and she was in and out of the hospital the next day.

Still, this got me thinking. My mother had a hysterectomy in her late 30's due to a level 3 pap and numerous cysts/polyps. You name the reproductive organ, she had some abnormal growth on it.

Where do I come in? For the last 6 months or so I have had this regular, annoying pain in my right side. At first I thought maybe it was constipation. (What?) I take a medication for ADD and it causes instantaneous constipation. Believe me when I say I drink a LOT of water and have a jar of Benefiber on my kitchen table, ready to be stirred into coffee, tea, juice, water or anything for that matter.

Anyhow, the pain. I ignored it for several months thinking it was nothing. Even when it hurt very badly I just assumed it was me being whiny. I *am* overweight and I do, do a lot of sitting at the computer all day, so I used to call the pain "A kink in my side" assuming that it was due to lack of exercise or something.

Three weeks ago I stopped ignoring it and saw my RNP. She palpated my midsection and then ordered CT's with barium. For the record, even with the "berry" flavor and drinking it ice cold, it has this tangy, stinging feeling. Anyhow, my GI tract is fine, the CT's showed nothing.

Great right? No, I cried. I was hoping it was something, anything. Even a weensy easy to fix something. Nada.

Now I am wondering if it's gynecological? Is it a mutant ovary, lurking and bulking up, sharpening it's teeth, ready to attack my uterus? The reason I want to know is that this period (which was 3 days early) was the worst in my life. I had 3 migraines, cramps that made me nauseous and cry, and the pain in my right side got so bad I wanted to die. It was like a knife that happened to be dipped in thumbtacks. I bled for a day and a half and bled so heavily I used 5-6 maximum absorbency pads. This by the way is freakishly abnormal. I bleed pretty heavily but this was ridiculous. Then the next day I did not bleed at all. Not a drop. But I cramped all day and was in agony and sick to my stomach. The next day the cramps were worse but I bled. For like, 45 minutes, MAX. I wore a pad and pretty much had nothing to report. Yesterday I didn't bleed at all, and so far today (Friday the 11th) I have not bled but the pain in my side is making me breathless again.

I won't go nuts on WebMD and to be honest, I will wait until I know anything for sure, but I am calling the GYN tomorrow for an emergency appointment and will also be calling my RNP just to let her know that the pain is worsening and about my super abnormal period.

The last thing I want to point out is that out of all of the symptoms I may or may not have, I have noticed I have gotten acne like a 15 yo (I normally have very clear skin) I have gained weight but not changed my diet for the worse for better and I also still have hair in weird places. (THAT might just be me getting OLD)

So while I am not like, spazzing (yet) I am looking at several possible gynecological issues I could be having. Especially since ovarian and uterine cysts run in my family.

Jars of Dreams

If I'm lucky, a few of you have wandered over from "Among the Blossoms," Welcome!

I draw for a living, and love to take commissions! I made the "Jar of Hope" that might have brought you here. Want one of your own? Well, the jar of hope I made for her is free for all, but I can make you your very own custom jar!

Examples are here Stock jars are $5, Custom jars are $10 and super customs (Jars that you want to license) are a bit more, convo me on etsy to talk about your order!

Hope you like what you see!