This year has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, happenings, drama and family flim flam.
First off, I don't know if I should "theme" my blog and make it all about one thing, like so many people tend to, or just go wild and make my blog just any damn thought or issue that flits through my brain?
Yen, help me out here.
Also, I am tried of not putting myself first. On the one hand, that may sound selfish, on the other hand, it can't be, since I don't and haven't gone anywhere the last few years where I basically wallowed in the idea that I come last.
My disability claim was denied and it took a year to go through all the hoops and still get denied so there you go, it wasn't to be. Now on with life.
1. School: Do I go for my BA? If so in what? And where?
2. Art: What do I love the most? How do I promote and create? How do I make what I live for into a living?
3. Subsidy work: Well, I already know that doing menial jobs around the public are not viable. So what is? Where can I work where I can maintain my pride, sanity and a paycheck that's big enough to help be re-gain independence?
I ran out of ideas so I will update this later. Tomorrow I meet my new psychiatrist and hopefully I can discuss some of these issues.
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
Langston Hughes
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Doctor Who
So, being the huge nerd I am, I recently got into Doctor Who, a sci-fi television show from Great Britain.
I don't have anything to say other than, Alex Kingston is bloody brilliant as River Song and that I cannot wait until next year when we get to know more about her.
I just hope lead writer Steven Moffat isn't influenced by bitter Doctor Who fangirls who hate River and try to do something terrible to or make something terrible out of her.
Doctor Who has quickly become the only television show my entire family will sit down and watch together. Not since "The Pretender" have we all agreed on an action/sci-fi show like this.
Frankly, accidentally tuning in to the BBC America premier of Doctor Who Series five was the best thing I've done entertainment wise in a very long time.
Even though the new series can't start soon enough for my tastes, I am thrilled to pieces to hear that we'll get to watch the Christmas episode ON CHRISTMAS. As Nine would say... "Fantastic!"
I don't have anything to say other than, Alex Kingston is bloody brilliant as River Song and that I cannot wait until next year when we get to know more about her.
I just hope lead writer Steven Moffat isn't influenced by bitter Doctor Who fangirls who hate River and try to do something terrible to or make something terrible out of her.
Doctor Who has quickly become the only television show my entire family will sit down and watch together. Not since "The Pretender" have we all agreed on an action/sci-fi show like this.
Frankly, accidentally tuning in to the BBC America premier of Doctor Who Series five was the best thing I've done entertainment wise in a very long time.
Even though the new series can't start soon enough for my tastes, I am thrilled to pieces to hear that we'll get to watch the Christmas episode ON CHRISTMAS. As Nine would say... "Fantastic!"
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I promise, my uterus won't kill you.
WARNING: This is long.
In the last couple of blogs I have written about the pain I have been having in my right side and the Dr's visits I had to try and determine what could be causing it.
The CT I had of my GI tract showed nothing, the ultrasound of my uterus, right ovary, kidney and gall bladder showed nothing other than healthy tissue and the option to do an exploratory surgery to find out if I had endometriosis seemed like somewhat of a bleak ordeal if I went through it and there was nothing wrong.
Even though it seems like I am jumping the gun, since I am single, I had already decided several years ago not to have children, mainly due to the fact I would have to discontinue all of my effective bi-polar medications. The idea of being pregnant and batcrap insane just doesn't appeal to me on ANY level.
My doctor and I discussed several options for controlling my periods and hopefully reigning in my head splitting migraines. I was actually surprised to discover that due to having migraines with prodromes and auras, I am at risk for strokes. (Yay?) Risk for stroke associated with migraines means... no birth control... ever. So any birth control product I may have been prescribed to manage the hormones that trigger migraines aren't an option because of my migraines. Isn't irony a pain?
Because of my inability to take birth control my doctor discussed several other options, all of them surgical. The word hysterectomy did come up and he said that as long as I was resolute he would be willing to perform one, even though I am relatively young. The reason I didn't say yes to that yet is that I am living with my parents who also have my younger sister and her two children staying with us indefinitely. The idea of a MAJOR surgery like that with little or no recovery time gave me hives. No, not really, but I'm sure you can see where that became a non option.
The most likely option was an endometrial ablation. The procedure essentially destroys and subsequently removes the lining of a woman's uterus and in most cases eliminate or severely lessen period bleeding. But, and this is a big, fat, hairy but... IT ALSO PUTS AN END TO FERTILITY. Not that my ovaries will stop partying hard once a month, but with no uterine lining, ostensibly, when and if I chose to get married and be in a sexual relationship, having a baby is now a non option.
Needless to say I didn't just waltz into this decision halfheartedly. It took me several visits before I decided that I would have the operation. However, when I did make up my mind I had them schedule the surgery before I left the office at my last appointment. The booked me for Sept 22 and I had a few weeks to wonder what the hell I was in for.
Now onto the surgery. I am beginning to hate the word "outpatient." I think I was under the assumption that outpatient means like, in and out, no biggie. I was wrong. In this case they had me come in the day before to have blood work done and I am very excited to tell you all my blood type is A+! Anyhow, on the day of the surgery mom drove me and I got registered and headed upstairs when the doctor performing the surgery pulled me aside into a consultation room. He said he had been mulling it over the night before and realised because I am a virgin and haven't had any children, there was a 25% chance he wouldn't be able to get the scope past my cervix. Then he said we could reschedule the operation till the next day and he'd prescribe me something to soften my cervix up. I was not thrilled. You could even say I was UN-thrilled. I was also very thirsty since I'd been fasting for 14 hours. But a 25% chance was too big for me to take so I said ok and got the prescription filled.
NEXT DAY: Fasting again and this time the surgery was the last of the day so I was awake and trying not to be nervous/grumpy while I got ready. I left this part out of the day before but both days I took a shower with one of those surgical scrub sponges that's loaded with antiseptic. Only my hair smelled nice, the rest of my smelled like surgical soap. Mom drove again but this time we had my niece Olivia with us since she was out of Kindergarten and her mom didn't get off of work until after my surgery started. Olivia was an angel and annoyingly EVERYONE thought she was mine. Every time someone asked and I had to say "No, she's my niece." the other person would say "Oh, well, you'll have beautiful babies just like her!" Which I am only admitting now, kind of stung since I was in to have that womanly capability destroyed.
So finally I got checked in, had my IV placed, was changed into my hospital gown (I looked like I was wearing a cotton yert) and little footie socks and got to stop off in outpatient, surgery prep and finally surgery. Mom got to stay with me until they took me into surgery. Once there I remember them asking me to scoot over to the operating table, which I did, then they put on the oxygen mask, put my arms out on the arm boards (You look very much like you are on a bit of a cross) and then the anesthesiologist said "You're going to feel a stinging burn." Which I did and then OUT.
I woke up squeaking, the oxygen mask was still on my face and I was very sleepy. the clock said 7:15pm. They wouldn't let me have water yet and I was bummed but too weak to argue. They asked if I was in pain and I nodded so I think they gave me something because the pain stopped very suddenly. Around 8pm they took the mask off and wheeled me to recovery or discharge, I am not sure what order they do this all in nowadays. Anyhow, I finally got some soda that I swear to all of you, tasted like fizzy gummy bears. It was amazing. The nurse gave me a percocet and I got to see my mom. I was very happy to see mom and she chatted with me while the fog cleared.
The thing I remember the most is how much my throat hurt and how shaky I felt. The pain in my throat was from being intubated and I still have a bruise under my chin. It was really purple the first 3 days after wards and the pain right where they scoped me stuck around for 4 days. I noticed it when I yawned or swallowed. When they discharged me officially they took me down to the car in this nifty new wheel chair they use for everyone. To be honest it looks like the design is more like the older Victorian ones but I digress. Daddy had brought around the car and handed me a stuffed tiger my sister had gotten me at the zoo. It was nice to hug something fuzzy in the car. We finally got home and I crawled into bed and slept for a day and a half. I am still recovering but I feel a lot better than I did for the few days right after.
Here is the TL;DR summary in case I lost any of you in that novel.
I had a surgery, I am ok now, I love you all! <3
In the last couple of blogs I have written about the pain I have been having in my right side and the Dr's visits I had to try and determine what could be causing it.
The CT I had of my GI tract showed nothing, the ultrasound of my uterus, right ovary, kidney and gall bladder showed nothing other than healthy tissue and the option to do an exploratory surgery to find out if I had endometriosis seemed like somewhat of a bleak ordeal if I went through it and there was nothing wrong.
Even though it seems like I am jumping the gun, since I am single, I had already decided several years ago not to have children, mainly due to the fact I would have to discontinue all of my effective bi-polar medications. The idea of being pregnant and batcrap insane just doesn't appeal to me on ANY level.
My doctor and I discussed several options for controlling my periods and hopefully reigning in my head splitting migraines. I was actually surprised to discover that due to having migraines with prodromes and auras, I am at risk for strokes. (Yay?) Risk for stroke associated with migraines means... no birth control... ever. So any birth control product I may have been prescribed to manage the hormones that trigger migraines aren't an option because of my migraines. Isn't irony a pain?
Because of my inability to take birth control my doctor discussed several other options, all of them surgical. The word hysterectomy did come up and he said that as long as I was resolute he would be willing to perform one, even though I am relatively young. The reason I didn't say yes to that yet is that I am living with my parents who also have my younger sister and her two children staying with us indefinitely. The idea of a MAJOR surgery like that with little or no recovery time gave me hives. No, not really, but I'm sure you can see where that became a non option.
The most likely option was an endometrial ablation. The procedure essentially destroys and subsequently removes the lining of a woman's uterus and in most cases eliminate or severely lessen period bleeding. But, and this is a big, fat, hairy but... IT ALSO PUTS AN END TO FERTILITY. Not that my ovaries will stop partying hard once a month, but with no uterine lining, ostensibly, when and if I chose to get married and be in a sexual relationship, having a baby is now a non option.
Needless to say I didn't just waltz into this decision halfheartedly. It took me several visits before I decided that I would have the operation. However, when I did make up my mind I had them schedule the surgery before I left the office at my last appointment. The booked me for Sept 22 and I had a few weeks to wonder what the hell I was in for.
Now onto the surgery. I am beginning to hate the word "outpatient." I think I was under the assumption that outpatient means like, in and out, no biggie. I was wrong. In this case they had me come in the day before to have blood work done and I am very excited to tell you all my blood type is A+! Anyhow, on the day of the surgery mom drove me and I got registered and headed upstairs when the doctor performing the surgery pulled me aside into a consultation room. He said he had been mulling it over the night before and realised because I am a virgin and haven't had any children, there was a 25% chance he wouldn't be able to get the scope past my cervix. Then he said we could reschedule the operation till the next day and he'd prescribe me something to soften my cervix up. I was not thrilled. You could even say I was UN-thrilled. I was also very thirsty since I'd been fasting for 14 hours. But a 25% chance was too big for me to take so I said ok and got the prescription filled.
NEXT DAY: Fasting again and this time the surgery was the last of the day so I was awake and trying not to be nervous/grumpy while I got ready. I left this part out of the day before but both days I took a shower with one of those surgical scrub sponges that's loaded with antiseptic. Only my hair smelled nice, the rest of my smelled like surgical soap. Mom drove again but this time we had my niece Olivia with us since she was out of Kindergarten and her mom didn't get off of work until after my surgery started. Olivia was an angel and annoyingly EVERYONE thought she was mine. Every time someone asked and I had to say "No, she's my niece." the other person would say "Oh, well, you'll have beautiful babies just like her!" Which I am only admitting now, kind of stung since I was in to have that womanly capability destroyed.
So finally I got checked in, had my IV placed, was changed into my hospital gown (I looked like I was wearing a cotton yert) and little footie socks and got to stop off in outpatient, surgery prep and finally surgery. Mom got to stay with me until they took me into surgery. Once there I remember them asking me to scoot over to the operating table, which I did, then they put on the oxygen mask, put my arms out on the arm boards (You look very much like you are on a bit of a cross) and then the anesthesiologist said "You're going to feel a stinging burn." Which I did and then OUT.
I woke up squeaking, the oxygen mask was still on my face and I was very sleepy. the clock said 7:15pm. They wouldn't let me have water yet and I was bummed but too weak to argue. They asked if I was in pain and I nodded so I think they gave me something because the pain stopped very suddenly. Around 8pm they took the mask off and wheeled me to recovery or discharge, I am not sure what order they do this all in nowadays. Anyhow, I finally got some soda that I swear to all of you, tasted like fizzy gummy bears. It was amazing. The nurse gave me a percocet and I got to see my mom. I was very happy to see mom and she chatted with me while the fog cleared.
The thing I remember the most is how much my throat hurt and how shaky I felt. The pain in my throat was from being intubated and I still have a bruise under my chin. It was really purple the first 3 days after wards and the pain right where they scoped me stuck around for 4 days. I noticed it when I yawned or swallowed. When they discharged me officially they took me down to the car in this nifty new wheel chair they use for everyone. To be honest it looks like the design is more like the older Victorian ones but I digress. Daddy had brought around the car and handed me a stuffed tiger my sister had gotten me at the zoo. It was nice to hug something fuzzy in the car. We finally got home and I crawled into bed and slept for a day and a half. I am still recovering but I feel a lot better than I did for the few days right after.
Here is the TL;DR summary in case I lost any of you in that novel.
I had a surgery, I am ok now, I love you all! <3
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Kso. Here's the bad news
I have SO much to write here. See that huge gap from the middle of July to now? Today is September 23, 2010 and I was supposed to have had a surgery yesterday. Instead I am going to have it tomorrow.
The gap in my writing, as you can plainly tell, (ok, maybe not) is due to my sister, soon to be divorced, and her two adorable children moving in. My sister is the love of my life, don't get me wrong. The 6 years she lived down in the OC were pretty miserable for me, but having her back in the house, and having the total of people here jump from 3 to 6 has brought a whole new set of unique and sometimes seemingly insurmountable problems.
If it hadn't been for my friend Jenny telling me about drinking milk from a wine glass (the story makes sense in context) I probably would have gone insane trying to keep up with the mess that 6 people create. My sister also decided to take 3 college courses this semester as well as work 8 hour days. Needless to say, my room, also used as my bead room and craft area, has now been turned into a babysitting emporium. I am having to get used to little hands on everything whether it's a collectible china cup or a teddy bear from my childhood. I have also learned how to sing along to The Backyardigans and Sponge Bob Square Pants. (Did you know he lives in a pineapple?)
Anyhow, on top of all of this, I have still been having the phantom pain in my right side and barring a laparoscopy, (which I am not sure about) everything in my reproductive system looks great. Or so I am told. Because of the chaos in the house, and the fact my family practitioner is unsure I should be making this choice at such a young age, (young?) I am not going to have a radical hysterectomy. I am instead going to have an endometrial ablation. Which, as far as I am concerned is fine and I hope it helps the pain.
In the end, if the pain continues, I am going to go see a gastrointerologist next. As much as I hate paying Dr roulette, pain exists in our bodies for a reason and I don't want to ignore something that could be getting worse. I honestly hope the pain leaves with this procedure however.
Well, that's hardly scratching the surface of how I am doing or how things are at my house, but I don't really know what else to say in this particular entry. My surgery is tomorrow afternoon at 5pm and I hope the pain and uh, other things are kept to a bare minimum. in the meantime, has any one seen the wine glasses? I need some milk!
The gap in my writing, as you can plainly tell, (ok, maybe not) is due to my sister, soon to be divorced, and her two adorable children moving in. My sister is the love of my life, don't get me wrong. The 6 years she lived down in the OC were pretty miserable for me, but having her back in the house, and having the total of people here jump from 3 to 6 has brought a whole new set of unique and sometimes seemingly insurmountable problems.
If it hadn't been for my friend Jenny telling me about drinking milk from a wine glass (the story makes sense in context) I probably would have gone insane trying to keep up with the mess that 6 people create. My sister also decided to take 3 college courses this semester as well as work 8 hour days. Needless to say, my room, also used as my bead room and craft area, has now been turned into a babysitting emporium. I am having to get used to little hands on everything whether it's a collectible china cup or a teddy bear from my childhood. I have also learned how to sing along to The Backyardigans and Sponge Bob Square Pants. (Did you know he lives in a pineapple?)
Anyhow, on top of all of this, I have still been having the phantom pain in my right side and barring a laparoscopy, (which I am not sure about) everything in my reproductive system looks great. Or so I am told. Because of the chaos in the house, and the fact my family practitioner is unsure I should be making this choice at such a young age, (young?) I am not going to have a radical hysterectomy. I am instead going to have an endometrial ablation. Which, as far as I am concerned is fine and I hope it helps the pain.
In the end, if the pain continues, I am going to go see a gastrointerologist next. As much as I hate paying Dr roulette, pain exists in our bodies for a reason and I don't want to ignore something that could be getting worse. I honestly hope the pain leaves with this procedure however.
Well, that's hardly scratching the surface of how I am doing or how things are at my house, but I don't really know what else to say in this particular entry. My surgery is tomorrow afternoon at 5pm and I hope the pain and uh, other things are kept to a bare minimum. in the meantime, has any one seen the wine glasses? I need some milk!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
This is Not Cool
Day 2 and I am already tying knots in my rope in order to hold on. The problem with knot tying is... IT SHORTENS THE ROPE!!
I love my sister and her kids but I am really such a hermit, more like my cat then I will admit, so making sure my room is a bastion of sanity and peace is the kindest thing my parents could have done during this time.
I will blog more when sitting in front of my computer screen doesn't exhaust me but to sum up, my little sister is getting divorced and moving back to her home town. She has two pre-k kids, one will enter kindergarten in the fall. All three of them moved in with my parents and myself. I am bi-polar and have a hard time with change. There you have it.
I love my sister and her kids but I am really such a hermit, more like my cat then I will admit, so making sure my room is a bastion of sanity and peace is the kindest thing my parents could have done during this time.
I will blog more when sitting in front of my computer screen doesn't exhaust me but to sum up, my little sister is getting divorced and moving back to her home town. She has two pre-k kids, one will enter kindergarten in the fall. All three of them moved in with my parents and myself. I am bi-polar and have a hard time with change. There you have it.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Beads bead everywhere and not a box to spare
There is nothing I dislike more as far as necessary chores go, than sorting beads. Imagine having to sort grains of rice, or small noodles. Then imagine that some of these grains of rice cost anywhere from .45¢-$4.50 a piece.
The thing about being creative/crafty is that you have to work with the space you have and in my case, the space I have also serves as my bedroom and office. So in the space of a back bedroom I have a floor to ceiling bookcase, bed, night stand, bead desk, filing cabinet, TV stand (converted from an old nightstand) computer desk, small roller bin, door and dresser. This is clockwise from the bookcase. Because this was my sister's room before she got married, there are NO DOORS on my closet, because the beautiful wood shutter style doors got broken when she tripped. (Or that was the story)
The other things about all of this being in one space is that our house is out in the country. Yes, we live in a neighborhood, but less than 2 minutes in any directions and you will see orchards, farms and stables. This is great because Fresno is a vital agriculture community. It also sucks because there is a fine, whitish grey dust that settles on EVREYTHING.
Now, I enjoy dusting believe it or not, but the difficulty here is that my room is also a heat sink/cold vortex. In the summer, regardless of running the AC on days over 90, my room will remain 10-15 degrees warmer than the rest of the house. Vice a versa, in the winter my room can be up to 20 degrees colder. What does this have to do with dust? Well, in the summer I keep my fan on high. This leads to the excruciatingly precise and constant distribution of dust everywhere. By the same token, I have a heater in my fan I run during the winter. Same idea. Even coating of dust on everything in the room. From the fan blades, shelves, lamps and desks to the tops of all of my clothing (no doors) and even on vertical surfaces like walls.
Back to beading... If I accidentally leave a lid popped open, or have a project laid out that I can't get back to for some reason, the dust settles into every nook and cranny of my bead desk. As I blog this, my desk is pied high with things I pulled off of the floor, my dresser, desk, living room table and out of one of the bins I needed to sort.
The thing about being creative/crafty is that you have to work with the space you have and in my case, the space I have also serves as my bedroom and office. So in the space of a back bedroom I have a floor to ceiling bookcase, bed, night stand, bead desk, filing cabinet, TV stand (converted from an old nightstand) computer desk, small roller bin, door and dresser. This is clockwise from the bookcase. Because this was my sister's room before she got married, there are NO DOORS on my closet, because the beautiful wood shutter style doors got broken when she tripped. (Or that was the story)
The other things about all of this being in one space is that our house is out in the country. Yes, we live in a neighborhood, but less than 2 minutes in any directions and you will see orchards, farms and stables. This is great because Fresno is a vital agriculture community. It also sucks because there is a fine, whitish grey dust that settles on EVREYTHING.
Now, I enjoy dusting believe it or not, but the difficulty here is that my room is also a heat sink/cold vortex. In the summer, regardless of running the AC on days over 90, my room will remain 10-15 degrees warmer than the rest of the house. Vice a versa, in the winter my room can be up to 20 degrees colder. What does this have to do with dust? Well, in the summer I keep my fan on high. This leads to the excruciatingly precise and constant distribution of dust everywhere. By the same token, I have a heater in my fan I run during the winter. Same idea. Even coating of dust on everything in the room. From the fan blades, shelves, lamps and desks to the tops of all of my clothing (no doors) and even on vertical surfaces like walls.
Back to beading... If I accidentally leave a lid popped open, or have a project laid out that I can't get back to for some reason, the dust settles into every nook and cranny of my bead desk. As I blog this, my desk is pied high with things I pulled off of the floor, my dresser, desk, living room table and out of one of the bins I needed to sort.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Ultra sonic fun times
If I didn't have the ability to be sarcastic, I'd probably go insane.
On Wednesday I had the first meeting with my GYN, as previously blogged about and got scheduled for fasting labs and the ultrasound. Last night I had dinner at 8 and desert around 9:30pm so I figured I'd be good for getting the labs drawn before my ultrasound.
As it turned out, mom was going with me and had to run and errand so we got to the ultrasound appointment on time, but had to postpone the labs until after wards. I got right in and at first only had to peel my pants down to my hips. After gelling me up the tech probably spent about 10 minutes peeking at what she could. Ended up taking a peek at my right kidney and my gallbladder. Said both looked healthy and normal, neither had stones. This was good news to me, since several people suggested the pain could be gall bladder related and as much as I want an answer to the pain, each thing we eliminate is *good* news, not bad.
Anyhow, she couldn't really get a good peek at my uterus so GUESS WHAT? Yeah, that. I had to drop trou and drape. Then I got to experience the gel again and it was a lot LESS cold on my tummy than it was down there. I mean, the cold metal speculum was a curling iron compared to the ultrasound gel.
It took about 30 minutes and I got to see what basically looked like... uh... static on the tv? Mom and the tech obviously knew what they were looking at and the tech didn't seem to see anything to be concerned about. I had a feeling it would turn out this way, but I was a little surprised that my right ovary wasn't like, sharpening it's fangs with a nail file or something.
Anyhow, after that I went next door and got my labs done. I don't know about any of you reading this, but I hate "clean catch" urine samples more than anything. "Wipe, void, catch, void." That's how it SHOULD go, but I have a nervous bladder that even if I am ready to explode, has a hard time peeing on "cue" i.e. start stop start stop start finish. Needless to say, I always make sure my pants are folded and placed near the sink. Just in case.
On to the blood draw. I always ask for them to take from the veins in my hand and normally I don't get more than a small mark but for some reason I have this dime sized bruise from where the needle went in. They took 3 vials and from what I saw on the orders they were drawing for lipids, platelet count, follicle stimulating hormone, thyroid stimulating hormone and a few other things I was too distracted to memorize.
We finally got out of the lab around 2:15 and mom decided to go to the Clovis library. Even though I was hungry, I would never ever turn down a chance to go into a library. I waked out with 13 books and 6 CDs. Then we went to the bead store and spent a few hours there, finally ending the day by stopping at a great Chinese restaurant.
I get to call next week, probably around Wed or Thur and ask if they got all of the tests and results and where we go from there. So I am going to try not to worry or over analyze anything until I hear from the Dr.
On Wednesday I had the first meeting with my GYN, as previously blogged about and got scheduled for fasting labs and the ultrasound. Last night I had dinner at 8 and desert around 9:30pm so I figured I'd be good for getting the labs drawn before my ultrasound.
As it turned out, mom was going with me and had to run and errand so we got to the ultrasound appointment on time, but had to postpone the labs until after wards. I got right in and at first only had to peel my pants down to my hips. After gelling me up the tech probably spent about 10 minutes peeking at what she could. Ended up taking a peek at my right kidney and my gallbladder. Said both looked healthy and normal, neither had stones. This was good news to me, since several people suggested the pain could be gall bladder related and as much as I want an answer to the pain, each thing we eliminate is *good* news, not bad.
Anyhow, she couldn't really get a good peek at my uterus so GUESS WHAT? Yeah, that. I had to drop trou and drape. Then I got to experience the gel again and it was a lot LESS cold on my tummy than it was down there. I mean, the cold metal speculum was a curling iron compared to the ultrasound gel.
It took about 30 minutes and I got to see what basically looked like... uh... static on the tv? Mom and the tech obviously knew what they were looking at and the tech didn't seem to see anything to be concerned about. I had a feeling it would turn out this way, but I was a little surprised that my right ovary wasn't like, sharpening it's fangs with a nail file or something.
Anyhow, after that I went next door and got my labs done. I don't know about any of you reading this, but I hate "clean catch" urine samples more than anything. "Wipe, void, catch, void." That's how it SHOULD go, but I have a nervous bladder that even if I am ready to explode, has a hard time peeing on "cue" i.e. start stop start stop start finish. Needless to say, I always make sure my pants are folded and placed near the sink. Just in case.
On to the blood draw. I always ask for them to take from the veins in my hand and normally I don't get more than a small mark but for some reason I have this dime sized bruise from where the needle went in. They took 3 vials and from what I saw on the orders they were drawing for lipids, platelet count, follicle stimulating hormone, thyroid stimulating hormone and a few other things I was too distracted to memorize.
We finally got out of the lab around 2:15 and mom decided to go to the Clovis library. Even though I was hungry, I would never ever turn down a chance to go into a library. I waked out with 13 books and 6 CDs. Then we went to the bead store and spent a few hours there, finally ending the day by stopping at a great Chinese restaurant.
I get to call next week, probably around Wed or Thur and ask if they got all of the tests and results and where we go from there. So I am going to try not to worry or over analyze anything until I hear from the Dr.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Well, that was fun.
I am way too tired to make this blog reasonable, so I am editing my IM session with my BFF and pretending it's a real blog entry.
So I've had this constant pain in my right side for 6-8 months. I'm only not sure of the time because I spent so long trying to ignore it. But after some heinous periods and the pain getting worse I decided to do something about it. CT scans of my GI tract were clear so I moved on to gynecological issues. I'm a virgin, so I have only has one pap smear before this, and that was only a fee months back.
As much as I wanted today to magically produce an answer to the pain, I knew was was 99% unlikely. But I hoped I guess that my evil right ovary would get caught in the act assaulting my body and we could just move on from there.
Anyhow, I went to the office, filled out paperwork, saw two nurses, one who took my blood pressure and one who went over my medical history. We managed to remember to tell them NO LATEX (there's a funny/painful/itchy story behind that) He came in and was very smart and capable but also spoke very rapidly. Also, he was my mom's GYN so I felt a little awkward.
After the "pleasantries" were out of the way, I got uh, a digital exam, while he poked my abdomen. Then he used a thin, LONG speculum and peeked up inside. (it was cold)
and apparently I have a long vagina. (No, I am not kidding, he actually said this)
So, then, after that, which quite frankly I thought was bad enough, I get a two digit exam. 1 in both ends. That was distinctly uncomfortable and actually hurt a bit. In fact, PORNO LIES cause all I had was two fingers and I thought it was too tight. That's probably tmi, but to be honest, that was my least favorite part of all of this.
Anyhow, after that was done we discussed many possibilities, not the least of which were the possibilities of endometreosis or ovarian cysts. He ordered an ultrasound, which I get on Friday and fasting labs. Even though I said the pain is in two spots I think he got stuck on the higher one, cause he kept saying "That's a little high for an ovary." Honestly, I was very tired and overwhelmed so I didn't bother re-pointing out what I said, because I figure the ultrasound should show more than I can.
He also ordered the CT scans I got from my other Dr just in case they show anything pelvic, even though they were for the GI tract. Hey, the more the merrier I guess. He also said he only orders ultrasounds or MRI's instead of CT and that made me feel better because I recently discovered I am at my lifetime dose of radiation for my age due to 2 CTs of my head, 1 of my knee/ankle and 1 of my abdomen. This doesn't even include X-rays I have had for my spine, teeth, or chest x-rays. I have already decided that in the future, unless there is no other diagnostic test available, I will be opting out of CT's. But that is neither here nor there.
We discussed a hysterectomy. I know that is a big word for a 31 year old virgin with no kids to throw around, but it's unlikely I can or should conceive on my own. The biggest hurdle ironically NOT being my reproductive organs, but the fact I am Bi-Polar II. BP2 is the depressed side of BPD and I would HAVE to drop my two most effective medications while I was pregnant. That alone would make the pregnancy high risk, but also, due to family history, I'd be at risk for post-partum psychosis. It's like a lost the genetic lottery and I didn't even know I had entered. *sigh*
Anyhow, he's hoping we discover what's causing the pain before we make any drastic choices, although he seemed supportive of my choice to get a hysterectomy due to family history of cysts and only recently, uterine cancer. If the ultrasound doesn't turn up anything, then it's up to the laparoscopy. Then, if that finds endo or cysts, which could be causing the unending pain, then I am up for a hysterectomy. This is like a cross between good/terrifying news. On the one hand, I'd give anything to know/eliminate the pain. On the other hand, having to yank out my girl bits seems very very stark and drastic, even if could end my migraines and mood swings.
And in other news, the man I dated on and off for the last 2 years is now engaged. Honestly? I am thrilled because I know he's madly in love and that makes me happy, but I wish I could have found out tomorrow or a week from now. Today just wasn't the day you know?
So I've had this constant pain in my right side for 6-8 months. I'm only not sure of the time because I spent so long trying to ignore it. But after some heinous periods and the pain getting worse I decided to do something about it. CT scans of my GI tract were clear so I moved on to gynecological issues. I'm a virgin, so I have only has one pap smear before this, and that was only a fee months back.
As much as I wanted today to magically produce an answer to the pain, I knew was was 99% unlikely. But I hoped I guess that my evil right ovary would get caught in the act assaulting my body and we could just move on from there.
Anyhow, I went to the office, filled out paperwork, saw two nurses, one who took my blood pressure and one who went over my medical history. We managed to remember to tell them NO LATEX (there's a funny/painful/itchy story behind that) He came in and was very smart and capable but also spoke very rapidly. Also, he was my mom's GYN so I felt a little awkward.
After the "pleasantries" were out of the way, I got uh, a digital exam, while he poked my abdomen. Then he used a thin, LONG speculum and peeked up inside. (it was cold)
and apparently I have a long vagina. (No, I am not kidding, he actually said this)
So, then, after that, which quite frankly I thought was bad enough, I get a two digit exam. 1 in both ends. That was distinctly uncomfortable and actually hurt a bit. In fact, PORNO LIES cause all I had was two fingers and I thought it was too tight. That's probably tmi, but to be honest, that was my least favorite part of all of this.
Anyhow, after that was done we discussed many possibilities, not the least of which were the possibilities of endometreosis or ovarian cysts. He ordered an ultrasound, which I get on Friday and fasting labs. Even though I said the pain is in two spots I think he got stuck on the higher one, cause he kept saying "That's a little high for an ovary." Honestly, I was very tired and overwhelmed so I didn't bother re-pointing out what I said, because I figure the ultrasound should show more than I can.
He also ordered the CT scans I got from my other Dr just in case they show anything pelvic, even though they were for the GI tract. Hey, the more the merrier I guess. He also said he only orders ultrasounds or MRI's instead of CT and that made me feel better because I recently discovered I am at my lifetime dose of radiation for my age due to 2 CTs of my head, 1 of my knee/ankle and 1 of my abdomen. This doesn't even include X-rays I have had for my spine, teeth, or chest x-rays. I have already decided that in the future, unless there is no other diagnostic test available, I will be opting out of CT's. But that is neither here nor there.
We discussed a hysterectomy. I know that is a big word for a 31 year old virgin with no kids to throw around, but it's unlikely I can or should conceive on my own. The biggest hurdle ironically NOT being my reproductive organs, but the fact I am Bi-Polar II. BP2 is the depressed side of BPD and I would HAVE to drop my two most effective medications while I was pregnant. That alone would make the pregnancy high risk, but also, due to family history, I'd be at risk for post-partum psychosis. It's like a lost the genetic lottery and I didn't even know I had entered. *sigh*
Anyhow, he's hoping we discover what's causing the pain before we make any drastic choices, although he seemed supportive of my choice to get a hysterectomy due to family history of cysts and only recently, uterine cancer. If the ultrasound doesn't turn up anything, then it's up to the laparoscopy. Then, if that finds endo or cysts, which could be causing the unending pain, then I am up for a hysterectomy. This is like a cross between good/terrifying news. On the one hand, I'd give anything to know/eliminate the pain. On the other hand, having to yank out my girl bits seems very very stark and drastic, even if could end my migraines and mood swings.
And in other news, the man I dated on and off for the last 2 years is now engaged. Honestly? I am thrilled because I know he's madly in love and that makes me happy, but I wish I could have found out tomorrow or a week from now. Today just wasn't the day you know?
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Laughing at God
I have a friend who, over the last several years, has only wanted one thing. It's not my right to say what it is, so I won't, but I know if she got this thing, she'd be amazing at it.
Anyhow, through the last few years with her I have learned a lot of things about medicine, nutrition, and life in general. Some of it may or may not actually apply to me now.
Yeah, that was vague, but intentionally so. I am frustrated beyond my ability to express it. Last November a close relative died and my family was responsible for cleaning out his apartment and storage shed and making funeral arrangements. It was very difficult for all of us. Then, shortly after Christmas, my grandmother was diagnosed with uterine cancer. Her gyn said it was easily removed via surgery and my grandma wouldn't even need chemo if it was contained as she thought it was. Luckily, it was. On my 31st birthday I went with her and my mother to her pre--surgery appointment and she was in and out of the hospital the next day.
Still, this got me thinking. My mother had a hysterectomy in her late 30's due to a level 3 pap and numerous cysts/polyps. You name the reproductive organ, she had some abnormal growth on it.
Where do I come in? For the last 6 months or so I have had this regular, annoying pain in my right side. At first I thought maybe it was constipation. (What?) I take a medication for ADD and it causes instantaneous constipation. Believe me when I say I drink a LOT of water and have a jar of Benefiber on my kitchen table, ready to be stirred into coffee, tea, juice, water or anything for that matter.
Anyhow, the pain. I ignored it for several months thinking it was nothing. Even when it hurt very badly I just assumed it was me being whiny. I *am* overweight and I do, do a lot of sitting at the computer all day, so I used to call the pain "A kink in my side" assuming that it was due to lack of exercise or something.
Three weeks ago I stopped ignoring it and saw my RNP. She palpated my midsection and then ordered CT's with barium. For the record, even with the "berry" flavor and drinking it ice cold, it has this tangy, stinging feeling. Anyhow, my GI tract is fine, the CT's showed nothing.
Great right? No, I cried. I was hoping it was something, anything. Even a weensy easy to fix something. Nada.
Now I am wondering if it's gynecological? Is it a mutant ovary, lurking and bulking up, sharpening it's teeth, ready to attack my uterus? The reason I want to know is that this period (which was 3 days early) was the worst in my life. I had 3 migraines, cramps that made me nauseous and cry, and the pain in my right side got so bad I wanted to die. It was like a knife that happened to be dipped in thumbtacks. I bled for a day and a half and bled so heavily I used 5-6 maximum absorbency pads. This by the way is freakishly abnormal. I bleed pretty heavily but this was ridiculous. Then the next day I did not bleed at all. Not a drop. But I cramped all day and was in agony and sick to my stomach. The next day the cramps were worse but I bled. For like, 45 minutes, MAX. I wore a pad and pretty much had nothing to report. Yesterday I didn't bleed at all, and so far today (Friday the 11th) I have not bled but the pain in my side is making me breathless again.
I won't go nuts on WebMD and to be honest, I will wait until I know anything for sure, but I am calling the GYN tomorrow for an emergency appointment and will also be calling my RNP just to let her know that the pain is worsening and about my super abnormal period.
The last thing I want to point out is that out of all of the symptoms I may or may not have, I have noticed I have gotten acne like a 15 yo (I normally have very clear skin) I have gained weight but not changed my diet for the worse for better and I also still have hair in weird places. (THAT might just be me getting OLD)
So while I am not like, spazzing (yet) I am looking at several possible gynecological issues I could be having. Especially since ovarian and uterine cysts run in my family.
Anyhow, through the last few years with her I have learned a lot of things about medicine, nutrition, and life in general. Some of it may or may not actually apply to me now.
Yeah, that was vague, but intentionally so. I am frustrated beyond my ability to express it. Last November a close relative died and my family was responsible for cleaning out his apartment and storage shed and making funeral arrangements. It was very difficult for all of us. Then, shortly after Christmas, my grandmother was diagnosed with uterine cancer. Her gyn said it was easily removed via surgery and my grandma wouldn't even need chemo if it was contained as she thought it was. Luckily, it was. On my 31st birthday I went with her and my mother to her pre--surgery appointment and she was in and out of the hospital the next day.
Still, this got me thinking. My mother had a hysterectomy in her late 30's due to a level 3 pap and numerous cysts/polyps. You name the reproductive organ, she had some abnormal growth on it.
Where do I come in? For the last 6 months or so I have had this regular, annoying pain in my right side. At first I thought maybe it was constipation. (What?) I take a medication for ADD and it causes instantaneous constipation. Believe me when I say I drink a LOT of water and have a jar of Benefiber on my kitchen table, ready to be stirred into coffee, tea, juice, water or anything for that matter.
Anyhow, the pain. I ignored it for several months thinking it was nothing. Even when it hurt very badly I just assumed it was me being whiny. I *am* overweight and I do, do a lot of sitting at the computer all day, so I used to call the pain "A kink in my side" assuming that it was due to lack of exercise or something.
Three weeks ago I stopped ignoring it and saw my RNP. She palpated my midsection and then ordered CT's with barium. For the record, even with the "berry" flavor and drinking it ice cold, it has this tangy, stinging feeling. Anyhow, my GI tract is fine, the CT's showed nothing.
Great right? No, I cried. I was hoping it was something, anything. Even a weensy easy to fix something. Nada.
Now I am wondering if it's gynecological? Is it a mutant ovary, lurking and bulking up, sharpening it's teeth, ready to attack my uterus? The reason I want to know is that this period (which was 3 days early) was the worst in my life. I had 3 migraines, cramps that made me nauseous and cry, and the pain in my right side got so bad I wanted to die. It was like a knife that happened to be dipped in thumbtacks. I bled for a day and a half and bled so heavily I used 5-6 maximum absorbency pads. This by the way is freakishly abnormal. I bleed pretty heavily but this was ridiculous. Then the next day I did not bleed at all. Not a drop. But I cramped all day and was in agony and sick to my stomach. The next day the cramps were worse but I bled. For like, 45 minutes, MAX. I wore a pad and pretty much had nothing to report. Yesterday I didn't bleed at all, and so far today (Friday the 11th) I have not bled but the pain in my side is making me breathless again.
I won't go nuts on WebMD and to be honest, I will wait until I know anything for sure, but I am calling the GYN tomorrow for an emergency appointment and will also be calling my RNP just to let her know that the pain is worsening and about my super abnormal period.
The last thing I want to point out is that out of all of the symptoms I may or may not have, I have noticed I have gotten acne like a 15 yo (I normally have very clear skin) I have gained weight but not changed my diet for the worse for better and I also still have hair in weird places. (THAT might just be me getting OLD)
So while I am not like, spazzing (yet) I am looking at several possible gynecological issues I could be having. Especially since ovarian and uterine cysts run in my family.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Jars of Dreams
If I'm lucky, a few of you have wandered over from "Among the Blossoms," Welcome!
I draw for a living, and love to take commissions! I made the "Jar of Hope" that might have brought you here. Want one of your own? Well, the jar of hope I made for her is free for all, but I can make you your very own custom jar!
Examples are here Stock jars are $5, Custom jars are $10 and super customs (Jars that you want to license) are a bit more, convo me on etsy to talk about your order!
Hope you like what you see!
I draw for a living, and love to take commissions! I made the "Jar of Hope" that might have brought you here. Want one of your own? Well, the jar of hope I made for her is free for all, but I can make you your very own custom jar!
Examples are here Stock jars are $5, Custom jars are $10 and super customs (Jars that you want to license) are a bit more, convo me on etsy to talk about your order!
Hope you like what you see!
Monday, May 24, 2010
A secret loss
Watching the movie or listening to the soundtrack from "Sneakers" I often think of the loss of River Phoenix and what a waste it was that a young, handsome, talented man died due to drug use. And then I wonder about his brother Joaquin and feel a pain for him I can't ever and don't want to imagine for myself.
I wonder if there have been times where all he wanted to do was pick up the phone and excitedly babble about a movie he's been tapped for or an award he's won, or to just babble. Talk in the secret language of siblings. Share the jokes that will only ever be funny to himself and his brother.
My mother is a middle child, and up until a month before I was born had two sisters. Then, on her mother's birthday, a drunk driver swerved out of his lane and crashed into my aunt and uncle's car, instantly killing Marguerite Morrow-Pruit age 25 and later claiming the live of my newborn cousin Olivia, who would die 5 days later in a local childrens hospital. Then there were two. My mother, and her sister Carolyn Anne Morrow, eventually to be Ocheltree.
Carolyn was the baby of the family, and growing up, I was under the impression she sort of hated all of us. Was it because of her sister's death? Was she just not close enough to my mom to want to reach out and hold on harder? Even later in my life, as I thought we were all becoming closer, she seemed distant and cold. I was so hungry for praise however that I threw myself and my creative talents at her, hoping i could impress her, and sometimes hoping that she and my mother would be as close and my sister and myself.
Sometimes parents only remember how much siblings fight, and it's true, we do. In fact, we're the MOST likely to tear each others hair and throw punches or slaps in the face, but by God, if someone else makes my sister cry, I will hunt them to the ends of the earth. And I think most siblings feel that way.
So I wonder. What broke in my aunt? I see my mom get sad sometimes, looking at pictures of her and her sisters as children. Dressed alike for church, or excitedly standing on the steps of a monument in Mexico. She vividly recalls happy times spent as a child, memories backed up by her friends and family. But all my aunt sees is some twisted wreckage and heaps of ash. Why?
I know my mom would do whatever it took to fix her relationship and to reach out and pull her sister from any danger she could, but Carolyn seems content to throw away her life, her memories, her family and her sister for something, something I cannot identify.
One sister dead, another emotionally dead. It's not fair, it makes me so sad, and drives me crazy.
I can't wait until my sister moves back to town, even if we end up driving each nuts. Because, she is my sister. And I love her.
I wonder if there have been times where all he wanted to do was pick up the phone and excitedly babble about a movie he's been tapped for or an award he's won, or to just babble. Talk in the secret language of siblings. Share the jokes that will only ever be funny to himself and his brother.
My mother is a middle child, and up until a month before I was born had two sisters. Then, on her mother's birthday, a drunk driver swerved out of his lane and crashed into my aunt and uncle's car, instantly killing Marguerite Morrow-Pruit age 25 and later claiming the live of my newborn cousin Olivia, who would die 5 days later in a local childrens hospital. Then there were two. My mother, and her sister Carolyn Anne Morrow, eventually to be Ocheltree.
Carolyn was the baby of the family, and growing up, I was under the impression she sort of hated all of us. Was it because of her sister's death? Was she just not close enough to my mom to want to reach out and hold on harder? Even later in my life, as I thought we were all becoming closer, she seemed distant and cold. I was so hungry for praise however that I threw myself and my creative talents at her, hoping i could impress her, and sometimes hoping that she and my mother would be as close and my sister and myself.
Sometimes parents only remember how much siblings fight, and it's true, we do. In fact, we're the MOST likely to tear each others hair and throw punches or slaps in the face, but by God, if someone else makes my sister cry, I will hunt them to the ends of the earth. And I think most siblings feel that way.
So I wonder. What broke in my aunt? I see my mom get sad sometimes, looking at pictures of her and her sisters as children. Dressed alike for church, or excitedly standing on the steps of a monument in Mexico. She vividly recalls happy times spent as a child, memories backed up by her friends and family. But all my aunt sees is some twisted wreckage and heaps of ash. Why?
I know my mom would do whatever it took to fix her relationship and to reach out and pull her sister from any danger she could, but Carolyn seems content to throw away her life, her memories, her family and her sister for something, something I cannot identify.
One sister dead, another emotionally dead. It's not fair, it makes me so sad, and drives me crazy.
I can't wait until my sister moves back to town, even if we end up driving each nuts. Because, she is my sister. And I love her.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
No one reads this crap anyhow...
So today on "Wordless Wednesday" I am going to just blogpuke. Plus, my mind pockets needs to be gone through occasionally before running my brain through the wash.
People tend to do those survey type things and then forward them on and for some reason I always feel compelled to fill them out, even though I know nobody reads them. So today I am doing my own. Screw the list, I am just going to randomly type whatever comes into my head. Apologies in advance to Yen, by BFF, who endures me, for God only knows why.
1. If I put my iPod on random, and let it play for 3 days, you might hear nothing but classical music. I find this depressing. On the other hand, you might also hear Metallica, Josh Groban, and some freaking Canadian singing a song called "Bubblegum." I seriously need to get control of who sends me mp3's!
2. I sort of hate that my room is a literal vortex of something. Yes, that was vague, but only because it has several aspects to this vortex. 1 is that in the Winter, even with the heater on, my room is close to 15 degrees colder than the rest of the house, even my parents room which is directly across the hall from me. In the summer it can be 10-15 degrees warmer, and where we live, on a 115 degree day, that's like walking into a desert tomb. Also, my room absorbs smells like a box of baking soda. Ew.
3. I am a cartoonist, photographer, jewelry maker, wood worker, beader, baker, singer, poet, writer, editor, sculptor and weaver. Now if I just got off of my ass and DID SOME OF THAT!
4. There is an unfinished tapestry in my closet, I am only bothered by this because I want to finish it but don't really want to go back to the crafting class I took where I started it. I think the teacher thinks I am a flake.
5. The last save date on any of my PS2 games is 2006. I made sure not to tell this to the person who bought me my Wii. Then again, I can pay the Wii and lose weight, so I am not sure One has anything to do with the other.
6. Even though I want to save myself for marriage, and I intend to, if Jim Byrnes asked me to spend a night with him I would. And then I would text everyone I knew, regardless of the time of day or night. And yes, he is at least 30 years older than I am.
7. I think my room is going to be Steampunk/Post-Industriul Asian/Fusion. Go ahead and try to figure that out... What was that? Oh right, you can't. Don't worry, I'll post pics.
8. I really like sweet and sour stuff. Sour Starburst? Sour Starburst Jelly beans? Warhead Jellybeans? Oh yeah... in fact, if anyone got a hold of a big box of Warhead jellybeans and sent them to me, I'd be their slave.
9. I really like pointy crayons, and colour coding them, and my beads and pens and pretty much anything else that comes in more shades than 1.
10. The song with the most plays on my computer is "Writer's Block" from the 'Stranger than Fiction' soundtrack with 315 plays. #2 is also a soundtrack song with 220 plays. Much to my shame, "The Candy Cave" from Charlie the Unicorn 1 has 204 plays. Don't ask, I think I was high on Skittles.
Since this was a WORDLESS Wednesday and I crapped that all up, I am opening this bog entry up to questions. Ask anything you want!
People tend to do those survey type things and then forward them on and for some reason I always feel compelled to fill them out, even though I know nobody reads them. So today I am doing my own. Screw the list, I am just going to randomly type whatever comes into my head. Apologies in advance to Yen, by BFF, who endures me, for God only knows why.
1. If I put my iPod on random, and let it play for 3 days, you might hear nothing but classical music. I find this depressing. On the other hand, you might also hear Metallica, Josh Groban, and some freaking Canadian singing a song called "Bubblegum." I seriously need to get control of who sends me mp3's!
2. I sort of hate that my room is a literal vortex of something. Yes, that was vague, but only because it has several aspects to this vortex. 1 is that in the Winter, even with the heater on, my room is close to 15 degrees colder than the rest of the house, even my parents room which is directly across the hall from me. In the summer it can be 10-15 degrees warmer, and where we live, on a 115 degree day, that's like walking into a desert tomb. Also, my room absorbs smells like a box of baking soda. Ew.
3. I am a cartoonist, photographer, jewelry maker, wood worker, beader, baker, singer, poet, writer, editor, sculptor and weaver. Now if I just got off of my ass and DID SOME OF THAT!
4. There is an unfinished tapestry in my closet, I am only bothered by this because I want to finish it but don't really want to go back to the crafting class I took where I started it. I think the teacher thinks I am a flake.
5. The last save date on any of my PS2 games is 2006. I made sure not to tell this to the person who bought me my Wii. Then again, I can pay the Wii and lose weight, so I am not sure One has anything to do with the other.
6. Even though I want to save myself for marriage, and I intend to, if Jim Byrnes asked me to spend a night with him I would. And then I would text everyone I knew, regardless of the time of day or night. And yes, he is at least 30 years older than I am.
7. I think my room is going to be Steampunk/Post-Industriul Asian/Fusion. Go ahead and try to figure that out... What was that? Oh right, you can't. Don't worry, I'll post pics.
8. I really like sweet and sour stuff. Sour Starburst? Sour Starburst Jelly beans? Warhead Jellybeans? Oh yeah... in fact, if anyone got a hold of a big box of Warhead jellybeans and sent them to me, I'd be their slave.
9. I really like pointy crayons, and colour coding them, and my beads and pens and pretty much anything else that comes in more shades than 1.
10. The song with the most plays on my computer is "Writer's Block" from the 'Stranger than Fiction' soundtrack with 315 plays. #2 is also a soundtrack song with 220 plays. Much to my shame, "The Candy Cave" from Charlie the Unicorn 1 has 204 plays. Don't ask, I think I was high on Skittles.
Since this was a WORDLESS Wednesday and I crapped that all up, I am opening this bog entry up to questions. Ask anything you want!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
101 Things
Except it's more like 61 so far. Also, the list maker messed these up so they aren't in the order I typed them in. :P
1. Find out my blood type
2. Visit Washington D.C.
3. Lose 5 pounds
4. Fall in love
5. Get engaged
6. Blog once a week
7. Lose 10 pounds
8. Move into my own flat
9. Smile more
10. Spring Clean my room (CHECK!)
11. Pay off the IRS
12. Pay off Sallie Mae
13. Write a Book
14. Stop abusing the shift key (This is likely to not ever happen)
15. Read all the Michael Connelly books I own
16. See the Vietnam Wall
17. Do laundry regularly (Closer to it than I think)
18. Organize my iTunes
19. Learn how to ink properly
20. Live on the East Coast for a year
21. Fill a whole penny jar without taking any change out! (1/4 of the way there!)
22. Organize my chaos (3/4 of the way there)
23. Love that this list ends two days before the world is supposed to! (Done)
24. Eat more fiber, less crapola
25. Finish 3 paintings
26. Come up with a daily routine
27. Stick with daily routine
28. Go to the GDC 2011
29. Visit the Franklin Institute
30. Clean out the boxes in the garage (1/2 way done)
31. Save up for a better digital camera
32. Take pictures with the cameras I own now
33. Get my SLR out of the closet (CHECK!)
34. Find work with a design firm
35. Make my own line of stickers
36. Go outside more often (Been working on it)
37. Swim every day this summer (Does falling in count?)
38. Focus on creative goals
39. Publish "Bitter Tea"
40. Buy a ball joint doll
41. Be kind, rewind.
42. Don't compromise
43. Don't stop believin'
44. Invent static free glitter
45. Get braces or have lower teeth fixed
46. Make an entire Thanksgiving dinner
47. Make SOMETHING productive out of the cubby hole. (Plans in motion)
48. Record 5 songs
49. Design a game
50. Get along better with mom (Mostly there?)
51. Learn Peyote stitching
52. Finish one complete outline for a comic book (Outline novel style)
53. Finish cleaning my EVERYTHING
54. Finish mom's website
55. Publish Dis (More like finish some Dis ideas first)
1. Find out my blood type
2. Visit Washington D.C.
3. Lose 5 pounds
4. Fall in love
5. Get engaged
6. Blog once a week
7. Lose 10 pounds
8. Move into my own flat
9. Smile more
10. Spring Clean my room (CHECK!)
11. Pay off the IRS
12. Pay off Sallie Mae
13. Write a Book
14. Stop abusing the shift key (This is likely to not ever happen)
15. Read all the Michael Connelly books I own
16. See the Vietnam Wall
17. Do laundry regularly (Closer to it than I think)
18. Organize my iTunes
19. Learn how to ink properly
20. Live on the East Coast for a year
21. Fill a whole penny jar without taking any change out! (1/4 of the way there!)
22. Organize my chaos (3/4 of the way there)
23. Love that this list ends two days before the world is supposed to! (Done)
24. Eat more fiber, less crapola
25. Finish 3 paintings
26. Come up with a daily routine
27. Stick with daily routine
28. Go to the GDC 2011
29. Visit the Franklin Institute
30. Clean out the boxes in the garage (1/2 way done)
31. Save up for a better digital camera
32. Take pictures with the cameras I own now
33. Get my SLR out of the closet (CHECK!)
34. Find work with a design firm
35. Make my own line of stickers
36. Go outside more often (Been working on it)
37. Swim every day this summer (Does falling in count?)
38. Focus on creative goals
39. Publish "Bitter Tea"
40. Buy a ball joint doll
41. Be kind, rewind.
42. Don't compromise
43. Don't stop believin'
44. Invent static free glitter
45. Get braces or have lower teeth fixed
46. Make an entire Thanksgiving dinner
47. Make SOMETHING productive out of the cubby hole. (Plans in motion)
48. Record 5 songs
49. Design a game
50. Get along better with mom (Mostly there?)
51. Learn Peyote stitching
52. Finish one complete outline for a comic book (Outline novel style)
53. Finish cleaning my EVERYTHING
54. Finish mom's website
55. Publish Dis (More like finish some Dis ideas first)
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Mulitple Sclerosis and Me
I am walking in the NMSS' Walk for the Cure this year and am helping my mom fundraise. It's an interesting experience, since asking people I know (or don't know for that matter) for money has never been a strong suit of mine.
Yes, I am a good sales person, when I have something to sell. But how do you sell "hope" or a "cure" or any of the nebulous things you believe in, but can't tack down?
I haven't figured that out yet.
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/CALWalkEvents?px=7664963&pg=personal&fr_id=13784
That's the link to donate to my team. SO far it's my mom, myself, my sister and a few friends, but the money raising part is hard.
Any ideas?
Yes, I am a good sales person, when I have something to sell. But how do you sell "hope" or a "cure" or any of the nebulous things you believe in, but can't tack down?
I haven't figured that out yet.
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/CALWalkEvents?px=7664963&pg=personal&fr_id=13784
That's the link to donate to my team. SO far it's my mom, myself, my sister and a few friends, but the money raising part is hard.
Any ideas?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Snail Reproduction
I have a long time love affair with creepy crawlies. Growing up, my parents instilled an appreciation of the natural world in myself and my sister and this parlayed into our playtime in ways we wouldn't be able to appreciate until we were older.
In the early spring, when the ponding basin near our house was almost full from winter rainfall, little toads, about the size of a pinky fingernail, would start popping up in near biblical proportions. My sister and I would run through the streets with margarine tubs, scooping the little guys up out of the way of traffic. Our yard quickly became known as a toad haven.
On camping trips in the summer we often took hikes though the meadows surrounding our tent site. On this one particularly beautiful day, me, my mom and sister saw what looked like bubbles foaming on tall stalks of Corn Lily. Turned out we were witnessing spittle bug nymphs feeding. Instead of squealing and running away we leaned in closer for a better view.
But sometimes being a scientist's kid who also loves weird things can have unexpected consequences.
The other day I was on my way out the car and I see two snails snuggled up together on the hose winder. Now, I like snails, I really do. in fact, the tinier the snail, the more likely I am to pick it up and let is crawl around on my hand. But they are pests and we are truly overrun by them. Last spring I found hundreds of baby snails clustered at the base of the only rose bush I still own, which was a gift from my parents. The rest of my roses succumbed to frosts and relocation.
So anyhow, seeing two snails out on a very cold day in early February piqued my interest and I decided to pick one of them up. To my mild horror, both of them came up together as they were attached to one another with long, slender yellow stalks. Being an observant person, who is deeply interested in science I thought "Ew ew gross! Snail penis!" Because I am mature like that.
As I shook off the shock of interrupting snail coitus it dawned on me that if they were mating, that would mean more snail caused carnage come spring when the eggs hatched. I tossed the two of them down and stepped on them. Then, I suffered guilt.
You see, even though they are pests, and very very destructive, snails are undeniably adorable to me and in some ways, represent the struggles we all face in life. Stepping on those snails was like stepping on a friend.
A spineless, mucousy friend.
In the early spring, when the ponding basin near our house was almost full from winter rainfall, little toads, about the size of a pinky fingernail, would start popping up in near biblical proportions. My sister and I would run through the streets with margarine tubs, scooping the little guys up out of the way of traffic. Our yard quickly became known as a toad haven.
On camping trips in the summer we often took hikes though the meadows surrounding our tent site. On this one particularly beautiful day, me, my mom and sister saw what looked like bubbles foaming on tall stalks of Corn Lily. Turned out we were witnessing spittle bug nymphs feeding. Instead of squealing and running away we leaned in closer for a better view.
But sometimes being a scientist's kid who also loves weird things can have unexpected consequences.
The other day I was on my way out the car and I see two snails snuggled up together on the hose winder. Now, I like snails, I really do. in fact, the tinier the snail, the more likely I am to pick it up and let is crawl around on my hand. But they are pests and we are truly overrun by them. Last spring I found hundreds of baby snails clustered at the base of the only rose bush I still own, which was a gift from my parents. The rest of my roses succumbed to frosts and relocation.
So anyhow, seeing two snails out on a very cold day in early February piqued my interest and I decided to pick one of them up. To my mild horror, both of them came up together as they were attached to one another with long, slender yellow stalks. Being an observant person, who is deeply interested in science I thought "Ew ew gross! Snail penis!" Because I am mature like that.
As I shook off the shock of interrupting snail coitus it dawned on me that if they were mating, that would mean more snail caused carnage come spring when the eggs hatched. I tossed the two of them down and stepped on them. Then, I suffered guilt.
You see, even though they are pests, and very very destructive, snails are undeniably adorable to me and in some ways, represent the struggles we all face in life. Stepping on those snails was like stepping on a friend.
A spineless, mucousy friend.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Hair in Weird Places
When I was little, I used to take an open glee in "hair spotting." My mom has a small brown mole on her right arm and sometimes the light would glint across it just right and reveal an abnormally long light brown hair. I tended to take notice when we were in the car together and when she was distracted making a left hand turn I would reach over to pluck it without having to worry about her smacking me. Or at least, not worry until the car was straightened out and in that case the hair was gone and smacking me wasn't going to make it grow back.
My dad was a more difficult case. Again, the hair was in a mole, but this one is on the back of his neck. No way would I ever tempt the wrath of dad by yanking a hair from any part of his body, even if, ostensibly, he wouldn't be able to see who had done it.
On and off I struggled with a fascination for pulling hair. I love to see it come out in clumps, I loved to see the roots and how different they looked from hair to hair.
This lead to some very strange instances where I ended up with huge holes in my eyebrows and later, while I was busy having a meltdown, I pulled all of the eyelashes out of both eyelids. Luckily, I worked at a beauty supply shop and got an extra good deal on fake eyelashes and glue. But my eyelashes never forgave me and the ones on my right lid grew in straight, and shorter than they had been. Needless to say I learned to stop plucking ANYTHING when I was stressed.
So you'd think that with this obsession with hair, both mine and other's, I'd be thrilled about hair in weird places. But the sad thing is, the day I noticed what looked like a dark brown hair stuck to my neck, and then realised it was coming out of my neck, I freaked. Unfortunately, it was later joined by another hair a little further back. One day I plucked both of them at the same time and the redness looked like vampire bites. I was not amused.
About six months ago, while my body was churning through hormones, getting ready for my monthly cycle, I went to try to clear a blackhead from my cheek. Yes, I know, leave them alone and they'll go away on their own. But this one had been there for 2 weeks and I was at the end of my patience. I gently squeezed, I furiously squeezed, I gave myself a bruise, and gave up. A day later, a short, wiry blonde hair had erupted from the "blackhead." It wasn't a pimple, it was my body smuggling a new hair onto my face. This whisker also gets plucked with both relish and disdain. I enjoy plucking it, I hate that I have to.
This leads me to not the weirdest, but the most regrettable place I have had a hair sneak onto. A part of my body I wanted to remain hair free until I was in my late 40's at least! Or older even, old enough to be mistaken for someones bubbe! That's right, you guessed it. On my 30th birthday, as I sat at a red light, my mother in the driver's seat, both of us going to be moral support for my grandmother at her pre-op appointment, I saw a long, light brown hair on my chin. I stared in quiet horror, quietly wishing for anything besides this, even a grey hair! But the chin hair just sat there in proud defiance. My childhood was over. Womanhood, and all that came with it, crashed through the roof of my car and landed on my chin.
I imagine that as I age, more hairs, in weirder places, will creep onto me, like kudzu in the south. And at first I will hack and pluck and wax, trying to keep the march of time at bay. And then eventually, I will sit back and laugh, brew myself a cup of tea and welcome the hairs as mile markers along the story of my life.
My dad was a more difficult case. Again, the hair was in a mole, but this one is on the back of his neck. No way would I ever tempt the wrath of dad by yanking a hair from any part of his body, even if, ostensibly, he wouldn't be able to see who had done it.
On and off I struggled with a fascination for pulling hair. I love to see it come out in clumps, I loved to see the roots and how different they looked from hair to hair.
This lead to some very strange instances where I ended up with huge holes in my eyebrows and later, while I was busy having a meltdown, I pulled all of the eyelashes out of both eyelids. Luckily, I worked at a beauty supply shop and got an extra good deal on fake eyelashes and glue. But my eyelashes never forgave me and the ones on my right lid grew in straight, and shorter than they had been. Needless to say I learned to stop plucking ANYTHING when I was stressed.
So you'd think that with this obsession with hair, both mine and other's, I'd be thrilled about hair in weird places. But the sad thing is, the day I noticed what looked like a dark brown hair stuck to my neck, and then realised it was coming out of my neck, I freaked. Unfortunately, it was later joined by another hair a little further back. One day I plucked both of them at the same time and the redness looked like vampire bites. I was not amused.
About six months ago, while my body was churning through hormones, getting ready for my monthly cycle, I went to try to clear a blackhead from my cheek. Yes, I know, leave them alone and they'll go away on their own. But this one had been there for 2 weeks and I was at the end of my patience. I gently squeezed, I furiously squeezed, I gave myself a bruise, and gave up. A day later, a short, wiry blonde hair had erupted from the "blackhead." It wasn't a pimple, it was my body smuggling a new hair onto my face. This whisker also gets plucked with both relish and disdain. I enjoy plucking it, I hate that I have to.
This leads me to not the weirdest, but the most regrettable place I have had a hair sneak onto. A part of my body I wanted to remain hair free until I was in my late 40's at least! Or older even, old enough to be mistaken for someones bubbe! That's right, you guessed it. On my 30th birthday, as I sat at a red light, my mother in the driver's seat, both of us going to be moral support for my grandmother at her pre-op appointment, I saw a long, light brown hair on my chin. I stared in quiet horror, quietly wishing for anything besides this, even a grey hair! But the chin hair just sat there in proud defiance. My childhood was over. Womanhood, and all that came with it, crashed through the roof of my car and landed on my chin.
I imagine that as I age, more hairs, in weirder places, will creep onto me, like kudzu in the south. And at first I will hack and pluck and wax, trying to keep the march of time at bay. And then eventually, I will sit back and laugh, brew myself a cup of tea and welcome the hairs as mile markers along the story of my life.
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