I have a friend who, over the last several years, has only wanted one thing. It's not my right to say what it is, so I won't, but I know if she got this thing, she'd be amazing at it.
Anyhow, through the last few years with her I have learned a lot of things about medicine, nutrition, and life in general. Some of it may or may not actually apply to me now.
Yeah, that was vague, but intentionally so. I am frustrated beyond my ability to express it. Last November a close relative died and my family was responsible for cleaning out his apartment and storage shed and making funeral arrangements. It was very difficult for all of us. Then, shortly after Christmas, my grandmother was diagnosed with uterine cancer. Her gyn said it was easily removed via surgery and my grandma wouldn't even need chemo if it was contained as she thought it was. Luckily, it was. On my 31st birthday I went with her and my mother to her pre--surgery appointment and she was in and out of the hospital the next day.
Still, this got me thinking. My mother had a hysterectomy in her late 30's due to a level 3 pap and numerous cysts/polyps. You name the reproductive organ, she had some abnormal growth on it.
Where do I come in? For the last 6 months or so I have had this regular, annoying pain in my right side. At first I thought maybe it was constipation. (What?) I take a medication for ADD and it causes instantaneous constipation. Believe me when I say I drink a LOT of water and have a jar of Benefiber on my kitchen table, ready to be stirred into coffee, tea, juice, water or anything for that matter.
Anyhow, the pain. I ignored it for several months thinking it was nothing. Even when it hurt very badly I just assumed it was me being whiny. I *am* overweight and I do, do a lot of sitting at the computer all day, so I used to call the pain "A kink in my side" assuming that it was due to lack of exercise or something.
Three weeks ago I stopped ignoring it and saw my RNP. She palpated my midsection and then ordered CT's with barium. For the record, even with the "berry" flavor and drinking it ice cold, it has this tangy, stinging feeling. Anyhow, my GI tract is fine, the CT's showed nothing.
Great right? No, I cried. I was hoping it was something, anything. Even a weensy easy to fix something. Nada.
Now I am wondering if it's gynecological? Is it a mutant ovary, lurking and bulking up, sharpening it's teeth, ready to attack my uterus? The reason I want to know is that this period (which was 3 days early) was the worst in my life. I had 3 migraines, cramps that made me nauseous and cry, and the pain in my right side got so bad I wanted to die. It was like a knife that happened to be dipped in thumbtacks. I bled for a day and a half and bled so heavily I used 5-6 maximum absorbency pads. This by the way is freakishly abnormal. I bleed pretty heavily but this was ridiculous. Then the next day I did not bleed at all. Not a drop. But I cramped all day and was in agony and sick to my stomach. The next day the cramps were worse but I bled. For like, 45 minutes, MAX. I wore a pad and pretty much had nothing to report. Yesterday I didn't bleed at all, and so far today (Friday the 11th) I have not bled but the pain in my side is making me breathless again.
I won't go nuts on WebMD and to be honest, I will wait until I know anything for sure, but I am calling the GYN tomorrow for an emergency appointment and will also be calling my RNP just to let her know that the pain is worsening and about my super abnormal period.
The last thing I want to point out is that out of all of the symptoms I may or may not have, I have noticed I have gotten acne like a 15 yo (I normally have very clear skin) I have gained weight but not changed my diet for the worse for better and I also still have hair in weird places. (THAT might just be me getting OLD)
So while I am not like, spazzing (yet) I am looking at several possible gynecological issues I could be having. Especially since ovarian and uterine cysts run in my family.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Jars of Dreams
If I'm lucky, a few of you have wandered over from "Among the Blossoms," Welcome!
I draw for a living, and love to take commissions! I made the "Jar of Hope" that might have brought you here. Want one of your own? Well, the jar of hope I made for her is free for all, but I can make you your very own custom jar!
Examples are here Stock jars are $5, Custom jars are $10 and super customs (Jars that you want to license) are a bit more, convo me on etsy to talk about your order!
Hope you like what you see!
I draw for a living, and love to take commissions! I made the "Jar of Hope" that might have brought you here. Want one of your own? Well, the jar of hope I made for her is free for all, but I can make you your very own custom jar!
Examples are here Stock jars are $5, Custom jars are $10 and super customs (Jars that you want to license) are a bit more, convo me on etsy to talk about your order!
Hope you like what you see!
Monday, May 24, 2010
A secret loss
Watching the movie or listening to the soundtrack from "Sneakers" I often think of the loss of River Phoenix and what a waste it was that a young, handsome, talented man died due to drug use. And then I wonder about his brother Joaquin and feel a pain for him I can't ever and don't want to imagine for myself.
I wonder if there have been times where all he wanted to do was pick up the phone and excitedly babble about a movie he's been tapped for or an award he's won, or to just babble. Talk in the secret language of siblings. Share the jokes that will only ever be funny to himself and his brother.
My mother is a middle child, and up until a month before I was born had two sisters. Then, on her mother's birthday, a drunk driver swerved out of his lane and crashed into my aunt and uncle's car, instantly killing Marguerite Morrow-Pruit age 25 and later claiming the live of my newborn cousin Olivia, who would die 5 days later in a local childrens hospital. Then there were two. My mother, and her sister Carolyn Anne Morrow, eventually to be Ocheltree.
Carolyn was the baby of the family, and growing up, I was under the impression she sort of hated all of us. Was it because of her sister's death? Was she just not close enough to my mom to want to reach out and hold on harder? Even later in my life, as I thought we were all becoming closer, she seemed distant and cold. I was so hungry for praise however that I threw myself and my creative talents at her, hoping i could impress her, and sometimes hoping that she and my mother would be as close and my sister and myself.
Sometimes parents only remember how much siblings fight, and it's true, we do. In fact, we're the MOST likely to tear each others hair and throw punches or slaps in the face, but by God, if someone else makes my sister cry, I will hunt them to the ends of the earth. And I think most siblings feel that way.
So I wonder. What broke in my aunt? I see my mom get sad sometimes, looking at pictures of her and her sisters as children. Dressed alike for church, or excitedly standing on the steps of a monument in Mexico. She vividly recalls happy times spent as a child, memories backed up by her friends and family. But all my aunt sees is some twisted wreckage and heaps of ash. Why?
I know my mom would do whatever it took to fix her relationship and to reach out and pull her sister from any danger she could, but Carolyn seems content to throw away her life, her memories, her family and her sister for something, something I cannot identify.
One sister dead, another emotionally dead. It's not fair, it makes me so sad, and drives me crazy.
I can't wait until my sister moves back to town, even if we end up driving each nuts. Because, she is my sister. And I love her.
I wonder if there have been times where all he wanted to do was pick up the phone and excitedly babble about a movie he's been tapped for or an award he's won, or to just babble. Talk in the secret language of siblings. Share the jokes that will only ever be funny to himself and his brother.
My mother is a middle child, and up until a month before I was born had two sisters. Then, on her mother's birthday, a drunk driver swerved out of his lane and crashed into my aunt and uncle's car, instantly killing Marguerite Morrow-Pruit age 25 and later claiming the live of my newborn cousin Olivia, who would die 5 days later in a local childrens hospital. Then there were two. My mother, and her sister Carolyn Anne Morrow, eventually to be Ocheltree.
Carolyn was the baby of the family, and growing up, I was under the impression she sort of hated all of us. Was it because of her sister's death? Was she just not close enough to my mom to want to reach out and hold on harder? Even later in my life, as I thought we were all becoming closer, she seemed distant and cold. I was so hungry for praise however that I threw myself and my creative talents at her, hoping i could impress her, and sometimes hoping that she and my mother would be as close and my sister and myself.
Sometimes parents only remember how much siblings fight, and it's true, we do. In fact, we're the MOST likely to tear each others hair and throw punches or slaps in the face, but by God, if someone else makes my sister cry, I will hunt them to the ends of the earth. And I think most siblings feel that way.
So I wonder. What broke in my aunt? I see my mom get sad sometimes, looking at pictures of her and her sisters as children. Dressed alike for church, or excitedly standing on the steps of a monument in Mexico. She vividly recalls happy times spent as a child, memories backed up by her friends and family. But all my aunt sees is some twisted wreckage and heaps of ash. Why?
I know my mom would do whatever it took to fix her relationship and to reach out and pull her sister from any danger she could, but Carolyn seems content to throw away her life, her memories, her family and her sister for something, something I cannot identify.
One sister dead, another emotionally dead. It's not fair, it makes me so sad, and drives me crazy.
I can't wait until my sister moves back to town, even if we end up driving each nuts. Because, she is my sister. And I love her.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
No one reads this crap anyhow...
So today on "Wordless Wednesday" I am going to just blogpuke. Plus, my mind pockets needs to be gone through occasionally before running my brain through the wash.
People tend to do those survey type things and then forward them on and for some reason I always feel compelled to fill them out, even though I know nobody reads them. So today I am doing my own. Screw the list, I am just going to randomly type whatever comes into my head. Apologies in advance to Yen, by BFF, who endures me, for God only knows why.
1. If I put my iPod on random, and let it play for 3 days, you might hear nothing but classical music. I find this depressing. On the other hand, you might also hear Metallica, Josh Groban, and some freaking Canadian singing a song called "Bubblegum." I seriously need to get control of who sends me mp3's!
2. I sort of hate that my room is a literal vortex of something. Yes, that was vague, but only because it has several aspects to this vortex. 1 is that in the Winter, even with the heater on, my room is close to 15 degrees colder than the rest of the house, even my parents room which is directly across the hall from me. In the summer it can be 10-15 degrees warmer, and where we live, on a 115 degree day, that's like walking into a desert tomb. Also, my room absorbs smells like a box of baking soda. Ew.
3. I am a cartoonist, photographer, jewelry maker, wood worker, beader, baker, singer, poet, writer, editor, sculptor and weaver. Now if I just got off of my ass and DID SOME OF THAT!
4. There is an unfinished tapestry in my closet, I am only bothered by this because I want to finish it but don't really want to go back to the crafting class I took where I started it. I think the teacher thinks I am a flake.
5. The last save date on any of my PS2 games is 2006. I made sure not to tell this to the person who bought me my Wii. Then again, I can pay the Wii and lose weight, so I am not sure One has anything to do with the other.
6. Even though I want to save myself for marriage, and I intend to, if Jim Byrnes asked me to spend a night with him I would. And then I would text everyone I knew, regardless of the time of day or night. And yes, he is at least 30 years older than I am.
7. I think my room is going to be Steampunk/Post-Industriul Asian/Fusion. Go ahead and try to figure that out... What was that? Oh right, you can't. Don't worry, I'll post pics.
8. I really like sweet and sour stuff. Sour Starburst? Sour Starburst Jelly beans? Warhead Jellybeans? Oh yeah... in fact, if anyone got a hold of a big box of Warhead jellybeans and sent them to me, I'd be their slave.
9. I really like pointy crayons, and colour coding them, and my beads and pens and pretty much anything else that comes in more shades than 1.
10. The song with the most plays on my computer is "Writer's Block" from the 'Stranger than Fiction' soundtrack with 315 plays. #2 is also a soundtrack song with 220 plays. Much to my shame, "The Candy Cave" from Charlie the Unicorn 1 has 204 plays. Don't ask, I think I was high on Skittles.
Since this was a WORDLESS Wednesday and I crapped that all up, I am opening this bog entry up to questions. Ask anything you want!
People tend to do those survey type things and then forward them on and for some reason I always feel compelled to fill them out, even though I know nobody reads them. So today I am doing my own. Screw the list, I am just going to randomly type whatever comes into my head. Apologies in advance to Yen, by BFF, who endures me, for God only knows why.
1. If I put my iPod on random, and let it play for 3 days, you might hear nothing but classical music. I find this depressing. On the other hand, you might also hear Metallica, Josh Groban, and some freaking Canadian singing a song called "Bubblegum." I seriously need to get control of who sends me mp3's!
2. I sort of hate that my room is a literal vortex of something. Yes, that was vague, but only because it has several aspects to this vortex. 1 is that in the Winter, even with the heater on, my room is close to 15 degrees colder than the rest of the house, even my parents room which is directly across the hall from me. In the summer it can be 10-15 degrees warmer, and where we live, on a 115 degree day, that's like walking into a desert tomb. Also, my room absorbs smells like a box of baking soda. Ew.
3. I am a cartoonist, photographer, jewelry maker, wood worker, beader, baker, singer, poet, writer, editor, sculptor and weaver. Now if I just got off of my ass and DID SOME OF THAT!
4. There is an unfinished tapestry in my closet, I am only bothered by this because I want to finish it but don't really want to go back to the crafting class I took where I started it. I think the teacher thinks I am a flake.
5. The last save date on any of my PS2 games is 2006. I made sure not to tell this to the person who bought me my Wii. Then again, I can pay the Wii and lose weight, so I am not sure One has anything to do with the other.
6. Even though I want to save myself for marriage, and I intend to, if Jim Byrnes asked me to spend a night with him I would. And then I would text everyone I knew, regardless of the time of day or night. And yes, he is at least 30 years older than I am.
7. I think my room is going to be Steampunk/Post-Industriul Asian/Fusion. Go ahead and try to figure that out... What was that? Oh right, you can't. Don't worry, I'll post pics.
8. I really like sweet and sour stuff. Sour Starburst? Sour Starburst Jelly beans? Warhead Jellybeans? Oh yeah... in fact, if anyone got a hold of a big box of Warhead jellybeans and sent them to me, I'd be their slave.
9. I really like pointy crayons, and colour coding them, and my beads and pens and pretty much anything else that comes in more shades than 1.
10. The song with the most plays on my computer is "Writer's Block" from the 'Stranger than Fiction' soundtrack with 315 plays. #2 is also a soundtrack song with 220 plays. Much to my shame, "The Candy Cave" from Charlie the Unicorn 1 has 204 plays. Don't ask, I think I was high on Skittles.
Since this was a WORDLESS Wednesday and I crapped that all up, I am opening this bog entry up to questions. Ask anything you want!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
101 Things
Except it's more like 61 so far. Also, the list maker messed these up so they aren't in the order I typed them in. :P
1. Find out my blood type
2. Visit Washington D.C.
3. Lose 5 pounds
4. Fall in love
5. Get engaged
6. Blog once a week
7. Lose 10 pounds
8. Move into my own flat
9. Smile more
10. Spring Clean my room (CHECK!)
11. Pay off the IRS
12. Pay off Sallie Mae
13. Write a Book
14. Stop abusing the shift key (This is likely to not ever happen)
15. Read all the Michael Connelly books I own
16. See the Vietnam Wall
17. Do laundry regularly (Closer to it than I think)
18. Organize my iTunes
19. Learn how to ink properly
20. Live on the East Coast for a year
21. Fill a whole penny jar without taking any change out! (1/4 of the way there!)
22. Organize my chaos (3/4 of the way there)
23. Love that this list ends two days before the world is supposed to! (Done)
24. Eat more fiber, less crapola
25. Finish 3 paintings
26. Come up with a daily routine
27. Stick with daily routine
28. Go to the GDC 2011
29. Visit the Franklin Institute
30. Clean out the boxes in the garage (1/2 way done)
31. Save up for a better digital camera
32. Take pictures with the cameras I own now
33. Get my SLR out of the closet (CHECK!)
34. Find work with a design firm
35. Make my own line of stickers
36. Go outside more often (Been working on it)
37. Swim every day this summer (Does falling in count?)
38. Focus on creative goals
39. Publish "Bitter Tea"
40. Buy a ball joint doll
41. Be kind, rewind.
42. Don't compromise
43. Don't stop believin'
44. Invent static free glitter
45. Get braces or have lower teeth fixed
46. Make an entire Thanksgiving dinner
47. Make SOMETHING productive out of the cubby hole. (Plans in motion)
48. Record 5 songs
49. Design a game
50. Get along better with mom (Mostly there?)
51. Learn Peyote stitching
52. Finish one complete outline for a comic book (Outline novel style)
53. Finish cleaning my EVERYTHING
54. Finish mom's website
55. Publish Dis (More like finish some Dis ideas first)
1. Find out my blood type
2. Visit Washington D.C.
3. Lose 5 pounds
4. Fall in love
5. Get engaged
6. Blog once a week
7. Lose 10 pounds
8. Move into my own flat
9. Smile more
10. Spring Clean my room (CHECK!)
11. Pay off the IRS
12. Pay off Sallie Mae
13. Write a Book
14. Stop abusing the shift key (This is likely to not ever happen)
15. Read all the Michael Connelly books I own
16. See the Vietnam Wall
17. Do laundry regularly (Closer to it than I think)
18. Organize my iTunes
19. Learn how to ink properly
20. Live on the East Coast for a year
21. Fill a whole penny jar without taking any change out! (1/4 of the way there!)
22. Organize my chaos (3/4 of the way there)
23. Love that this list ends two days before the world is supposed to! (Done)
24. Eat more fiber, less crapola
25. Finish 3 paintings
26. Come up with a daily routine
27. Stick with daily routine
28. Go to the GDC 2011
29. Visit the Franklin Institute
30. Clean out the boxes in the garage (1/2 way done)
31. Save up for a better digital camera
32. Take pictures with the cameras I own now
33. Get my SLR out of the closet (CHECK!)
34. Find work with a design firm
35. Make my own line of stickers
36. Go outside more often (Been working on it)
37. Swim every day this summer (Does falling in count?)
38. Focus on creative goals
39. Publish "Bitter Tea"
40. Buy a ball joint doll
41. Be kind, rewind.
42. Don't compromise
43. Don't stop believin'
44. Invent static free glitter
45. Get braces or have lower teeth fixed
46. Make an entire Thanksgiving dinner
47. Make SOMETHING productive out of the cubby hole. (Plans in motion)
48. Record 5 songs
49. Design a game
50. Get along better with mom (Mostly there?)
51. Learn Peyote stitching
52. Finish one complete outline for a comic book (Outline novel style)
53. Finish cleaning my EVERYTHING
54. Finish mom's website
55. Publish Dis (More like finish some Dis ideas first)
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Mulitple Sclerosis and Me
I am walking in the NMSS' Walk for the Cure this year and am helping my mom fundraise. It's an interesting experience, since asking people I know (or don't know for that matter) for money has never been a strong suit of mine.
Yes, I am a good sales person, when I have something to sell. But how do you sell "hope" or a "cure" or any of the nebulous things you believe in, but can't tack down?
I haven't figured that out yet.
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/CALWalkEvents?px=7664963&pg=personal&fr_id=13784
That's the link to donate to my team. SO far it's my mom, myself, my sister and a few friends, but the money raising part is hard.
Any ideas?
Yes, I am a good sales person, when I have something to sell. But how do you sell "hope" or a "cure" or any of the nebulous things you believe in, but can't tack down?
I haven't figured that out yet.
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/CALWalkEvents?px=7664963&pg=personal&fr_id=13784
That's the link to donate to my team. SO far it's my mom, myself, my sister and a few friends, but the money raising part is hard.
Any ideas?
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